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THE      MINOR      DRAMA. 

No.  XXXII. 


NAVAL  ENGAGEMENTS. 


IN      TWO       ACTS. 


BY    CHARLES    DANCE,    ESQ. 


ALSO   THE   STAGE    BUSINESS,    CASTS    OF   CHARACTERS 
COSTUMES,  RELATIVE  POSITIONS,  ETC. 


NEW  YORK: 
WM.  TAYLOR  &  CO. 

(S.  FRENCH,  GENERAL  AGENT,) 

151  NASSAU-STRICT,  CORNER  OF  SPRUCE. 


CAST  OF  CHARACTERS. 

Royal  Olympic,  Park,  1848.  Olympic. 

Admiral  Kingston. . .  Mr.  W.  Farren.  Mr.  Gilbert.  Mr.  Nickinson, 

Lieut.  Kingston.  RN.     "  C  Matthews.  "   vValcot.  "  Walcot. 

Short "  Wymau.  "  Hamilton.  "  Conover. 

Dennis "  Brbufham.  "  Everanl.    " 

Mrs.  Pontifex Mrs.  Orger.  Mrs.  Gilbert.  Mrs.  Turner. 

fllisa  Mortimer Mad.  Veslria.  Miss  Rose  Tp-lbin.  Miss  Clark. 


COSTUMES. 

ADMIRAL  KINGSTON— Handsome  modern    and  naval   uniform,  epaulettes,  an 

pold  stripe  of  lace  down  the  trousers. 

LIEUTENANT  KIMGSTON,  R.  N.— Handsome  modern  naval  uniform  &c. 
SHOUT.— [Landlord  of  the.  Foir.it.un,  atPorttsmouth.]  —  Black  coat  itiid  troupers, 

figured  cut  velvet-waistcoat,   white  neckerchief,  pumps. 
DENNIS — [Waiter  at  ditto.] — White    trousers,  butt'  waistcoat,  blue  stripe  narrow 

tailed  jacket,  white  neckerchief. — After  the  first  scene,  he  weare  a  black  narrow 

and  long-tailed  coat. 

MRS.  PONTIFEX. — A  puce  satin  pelisse,  lace  cap  and  lappets. 
MISS  MORTIMER. — A  white  mushn  pelisse  over  a  blue  slip,  blue  flowors  in  the 

hai. 


EXITS  :\°LAXC£S.     ; 

R,  means  Right;   L.   Left;  *R.'D.  Right' Door ;'  L.  D.   Left  Door; 
S.  E.  Second  Entrance;   U/B.  Upper  Entrance?   M.  D.  Middle  Door. 

RELATIVE  POSITIONS. 

R.  means  Right;  L.  Left;  C.  Centre;   R.  C.  Ri«\t  of  Centre;   L.  0 
Lyft  of  Centre. 


NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS. 


ACT    I. 

SCENE  I. — A  Hall  at  the  Fountain  Inn  at  Portsmouth. 

DENNIS  discovered  asleep  in  a  chair,  L.,   with  a  napkin  in 
his  hand. 

Den.  [Talking  in  his  sleep.]  Thank  you,  Captain!  thank 
you  !  God  bless  your  honour,  and  thank  you  a  thousand 
times  !  Upon  my  conscience,  the  army's  a  fool  to  the  navy 
for  generosity  !  [After  a  pause.]  Och,  Colonel,  and  is  all 
this  money  for  me  ]  By  my  soul,  the  navy  must  knock 
under  to  the  army  for  generosity,  any  way.  [Bell,  L. — 
Waking.]  What  bell  is  that  ?  [Bell]  Oh,  no  hurry  ;  it's 
only  the  travellers'  room.  [Sleeps. 

Enter  SHORT,  L.,  returning  from  market. 

Short.  How  plaguy  dear  the  fish  is,  to  be  sure  !  That 
won't  do.  While  the  fishmongers  make  me  pay  such  ras- 
cally prices,  I  shall  never  be  able  to  charge  my  customers 
above  twice  what  I  give !  there's  some  infernal  roguery 
somewhere.  [Seeing  Dennis]  Well,  I'm  sure  !  this  is 
a  pretty  time  of  day  to  go  to  sleep  !  I'll  induge  him  with 
an  Irish  wake.  [Goes  close  to  him,  and  baw/s  in  his  ear.] 
Dennis  ! 

Den.  Coming.  [Starts  up  and  nearly  knocks  SHORT 
down]  Och  !  murder  !  master  dear  !  is  it  you  called  out 
Dennis  ? 

Short.  (L.)  It  was.     But  you  have  nearly  killed  me. 

Den.  (R.)  Sure,  I'm  sorry  it's  asleep  I  was  ;  I  was  quite 
blockd  up. 

Short.  And  I  was  almost  knocked  down. 

Den.  Sure,  I  didn't  go  to  do  it. 

Short.  How  did  you  come  to  do  it  ? 


M55832 


6  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  [ACT  I. 

Den.  There's  not  a  jury  in  England  that  wouldn't  say 
my  pushing  you  was  accidental  death.     Arn't  you  my  mas- 
*  tej;?  and  wouldn't  nly  runnnlng  against  you  be  running 
against  i?l^oVn4n%jrfs>m 

Short.  But  what  business  had  you  to  be  asleep  at  eleven 
o'clock  in  the  morning  1  or,  indeed,  what  business  has  a 
waiter  ever  to  got  to  steep  ? 

/V  v.  Ah  !  *maGt?-M  now,  don't  be  hard  upon  me.  Sure 
the  young  gentlemen  that  dined  up  stairs  yesterday,  never 
/wer)*t/li6me$  two  their ;mammies  till  seven  this  morning,  and 
it's  the  ilevil'a  bit  of  a' bed  I've  had. 

Short.  You  don't  say  so  !  did  they  all  stay  till  seven  ] 

Den.  They  did,  sir. 

Short.  And  were  they  drinking  all  the  time  ? 

Den.   They  were,  sir. 

Short.   Why,  it  was  enough  to  make  'em  all  ill. 

Den.  You  may  say  that,  sir. 

Short.  A  pretty  penny  it  will  cost  their  poor  parents. 

Den.  It's  to  be  hoped  they're  not  very  poor  parents,  sir. 

Short.  Don't  you  joke  upon  such  a  subject,  Dennis.  I'm 
quite  shocked  to  hear  of  such  young  men  drinking  so 
much — without  eating. 

Den.  Sure  they'd  the  devil's  own  supper  at  two,  sir. 

Short.  I'm  glad  of  that,  for  so  much  drinking,  without 
eating  is  bad  for  every  body.  Did  they  order  any  break- 
fast before  they  went  1 

Den.  Some  coffee,  sir. 

Short.  It  would  have  been  better  for  all  parties  if  they 
had  had  a  complete  breakfast;  however,  charge  it  as  a 
breakfast,  and  it  may  serve  as  a  warning  to  them,  Young 
men  who  drink  hard  over  night  are  sure  to  pay  for  it  in 
the  morning. 

Den.  Very  true,  sir.  Are  you  quite  sure  I  didn't  hurt 
you,  sir? 

Short.  I'm  quite  sure  you  did.  Has  there  been  any 
arrival  while  I've  been  out  ? 

Den.  Yes,  sure,  sir.  There's  ould  Admiral  Kingston  in 
No.  8, 

Shor*.  Any  body  with  him  1 

Den.  A  young  lady,  sir. 

Short.  What  is  she  1 

Den.    What  is  she?  faith,  she's  mighty  pretty. 


SCENE  II.]  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS, 

Short.  I  mean,  who  is  she  1 

Den.  Who  she  is  ?  that  I  don't  know,  sir. 

Short.  Have  they  ordered  any  thing] 

Den.  They  have,  sir,  9 

Short.  What? 

Den.  A.  pair  of  horses,  sir. 

Short.  [Laughing.]  A  pair  of  horses  ?  Did  they  order 
any  thing  to  eat  ? 

Den.  Nothing  but  the  horses,  sir. 

Short.  Any  body  else  come  ? 

Den.    Yes,  sir ;  there's  a  young  naval  officer  in  No  14, 

Short.  Any  body  with  him  ? 

Den.  A  middle-aged  female  ;  supposed  to  be  his  mother 

Short.  What's  his  name? 

Den.  I  don't  know,  sir. 

Short.  Has  he  ordered  anything  ? 

Den.  He  has,  sir. 

Short.  At  last — what  is  it  ? 

Den.  He  ordered  me  to  hold  my  tongue  when  I  asked — 

Short.  Is  your  tongue  any  thing  to  eat,  pray  ? 

Den.  It's  to  be  hoped  not,  sir ;  for  I  bit  it  once,  and  I 
didn't  like  it. 

Short.  Well,  I  can  make  nothing  of  you,  so  I  shall  go 
and  see  what  I  can  make  of  them.  The  Admiral  is  an  old 
customer,  and  he  must  do  as  he  likes ;  but  the  younster 
shall  eat  something,  whether  he's  hungry  or  not. 

Den.  That's  right,  master;  make  him  eat  something,  if 
it's  only  just  that  you  may  put  down  upon  paper  that  he 
has. 

Short.  I  know  what  I'm  about,  Dennis. 

Den.  The  divil  a  doubt  of  it,  sir.  You're  not  such  a 
fool  as  you  look. 

Short.  Whereas,  you,  on  the  contrary,  don't  look  such 
a  fool  as  you  are.  [Going. 

Den.  Long  life  to  your  gentility,  master;  for  you're 
never  behindhand  at  returning  a  compliment. 

(  Exeunt  at  opposite  sides. 

SCENE  II. — A  Room  in  the  same,  with  €,  doors,  and  doors 
R.  and  L.  2  E.,  MRS.  COL.  PONTIFEX  and  LIEUT*  KING- 
TON  discovered  ;  the  former  at  work  on  settee,  c.,  small 
work-table  and  basket  before  her  ;  the  latter  R.  effacing 


8  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  [Acr  I. 

the  audience,  with  his  legs  across  a  chair,  his  hands 
crossed  on  the  back  of  it,  and  his  chin  resting  on  his  hands. 
The  room  is  furnished  with  round  table,  it.,  covered  with 
writing  materials,  bookfy  portfolio  of  prints,  vase  of  flow- 
ers, fyc. ;  sofa,  L.,  and  chairs,  covered  with  chintz  furni- 
ture ;  the  settee  and  two  chairs  on  which  MRS.  PONTIFEX 
and  the  LIEUTENANT  are  seated  must  be  set  in  front  of 
the  second  grooves,  so  that  the  third  scene  may  close  up, 
leaving  them  on  the  stage,  with  the  side  doors  as  used  in 
this  scene,  and  painted  to  match  the  third. 

Mrs.  P.  (c.)  A  penny  for  your  thoughts,  Kingston,  dear. 

Lieut.  K.  (R.  c.)   They're  not  worth  it. 

Mrs.  P.  Then  you  ought  to  be  ashamed  of  yourself,  for 
you  can't  have  been  thinking  of  me. 

Lieut.  K.  Indeed  I  was.  [Rises  and  walks  restlessly  to 
andjro.]  I  never  did  know  any  thing  so  worrying,  so 
teasing,  so  perplexing  in  my  life.  [Resumes  his  position. 

Mrs.  P.    As  lam] 

Lieut.  K.  No,  no  !  not  you. 

Mrs.  P.  A  penny  for  your  though ts  now,  Kingston  dear. 

Lieut.  K.  My  dear  Mrs.  Pontifex,  I  assure  you,  they  are 
not  worth  it. 

Mrs.  P.  Now,  Kingston  dear,  why  do  you  call  me  Mrs, 
Pontifex  1  It  seems  very  formal  to  a  woman  whom  you 
are  about  to  marry.  When  the  late  Col.  Pontifex — then 
only  Captain  Pontifex — was  making  his  addresses  to  me, 
he  always  called  me  Selina. 

Lieut.  K.   And  Til  call  you  Selina  if  ydu  wish  it. 

Mrs.  P.  Now,  Kingston  dear,  that's  very  kind  of  you 
— very.  You're  not  annoyed  with  me  for  alluding  to  poor 
dear  Colonel  Pontifex,  are  you  1 

Lieut.  K.  Who  ?  1 1  Oh  !  by  no  means  ;  [Relapsing  in- 
to thought. \  died  at  Gibraltar  about  three  years  since. 

Mrs.  P.  [Rising,  and  coming  to  him.]  I'm  quite  aware 
of  that, — but  what  on  earth  makes  you  mention  it  just 
now,  Kingston  dear  ? 

Lieut.  K.  [Rising.]  I  beg  your  pardon — I  was  thinking 
aloud.  The  fact  is  that  my  head  is  full  of  my  approaching 
interview  with  my  father,  and  I  was  wondering  how  he 
would  receive — 

Mrs.  P.  How  he  would  receive  you  ] 


SCENE  II. J  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  9 

Lieut.  K.  No,  no  !  I  have  no  fear  about  that. 

Mre.  P.  How  he  would  receive  me,  then  ? 

Lieut.  K.  No,  not  exactly  you. 

Mrs.  P.  Kingston  dear,  there's  a  mystery ;  I  have 
thought  there  was  for  some  time  past,  and  now  I'm  sure 
of  it ;  so  don't  attempt  to  deny  it,  but  give  me  an  expla- 
nation, and  a  chair. 

Lieut.  K.  I  beg  you  a  thousand  pardons. 

[Gives  her  a  chair,  L.  c.,  they  sit — MRS.  P.  makes  her- 
self up  to  listen. — LIEUT.  K.  relapses  into  thought. 

Mrs.  P.  (R.  c.)  [After  a  pause.}     Well — 

Lieut.  K.  (L.  c.)  Are  you  speaking  to  me  ? 

Mrs.  P.  Oh  !  Yes,  I  was  speaking  to  you,  and  I  should 
think  you  very  well  knew  what  about ;  however,  to  pre~ 
vent  the  possibility  of  mistake,  I'll  tell  you  again.  There 
is  evidently  some  uneasiness  in  your  mind  about  meeting 
your  father.  You  have  always  told  me  that  you  lived  and 
parted  with  him  on  the  best  of  terms,  and  therefore  I  am 
bound  to  suppose  that  the  uneasiness  relates  in  some  way 
to  me.  We  are  within  ten  miles  of  his  house,  and,  as  we 
say  in  the  army,  I  demand  an  explanation. 

Lieut.  K.  Then,  Selina,  as  we  say  in  the  navy,  you  must 
have  it ;  but  it's  very  awkward — upon  my  life  it  is. 
[Aside.]  How  shall  I  tell  her.  [Aloud.]  You  know  my 
father  ? 

Mrs.  P.  (R.)  No,  I  don't  know  your  father. 
(   Lievt.  K.  (L.)  No,  I  know ;  but  you  know  what  I  mean. 

Mrs.  P.  Well — go  on. 

Lieut.  K.  My  father  and  I  have  ever  lived  together,  as 
I  have  often  told  you,  on  the  best  of  terms. 

Mrs.  P.  Yes. 

Lieut.  K.  More  likeJbrothers,  than  father  and  son. 

Mrs.  P.  Yes. 

Lieut.  K.  With  but  one  opinion,  as  it  were,  between  us 
upon  every  subject. 

Mrs.  P.  Yes. 

Lieut.  K.  No  jealousy — 

Mrs.  P.  No. 

Lieut.  K.  No  concealment — 

Mrs  P.   No. 

Lieut.  K.  No  mistrust — 

Mrs.  P.  No. 


10  NAVAL    ENGAGE. \fKNTS,  [Acx  I 

Lieut.  K.  [Aside.]  Confound  her  monosyllables,  she 
doesn't  help  me  out  in  the  least.  [Aloud.]  You  have  no 
idea  how  curiously  well  we  agreed. 

Mrs.  P.  I  ought  to  have  a  very  good  idea  of  it,  for  you 
repeat  it  often  enough. 

Lieut.  K.  [Aside.]  [t's  of  no  use,  I  must  bring  it  out 
somehow.  [Aloud.]  It  went  even  to  this  extent — we  had 
but  one  opinion  about  marriage. 

Mrs.  P.  And  that  was — 

Lieut.  K.  That  it  was  a  point  on  which  every  person 
had  a  right  to  please  himself,  without  reference  to  the  opin- 
ion of  relation  or  friend.  This  was  the  very  last  topic  we 
discussed  two  years  ago,  when  I  left  England  for  Gibral- 
tar, where  I  had  the  happiness  of  becoming  acquainted 
with  you.  Now,  considering  that  I  was  just  five-and- 
twenty,  and  an  only  son,  and  that  my  father  was  a  widower 
of  five-an  d-fifty,  with  a  large  fortune,  I  think  our  senti- 
ments argue  considerable  liberality  on  both  sides. 

Mrs.  P.  Well!  I  think  they  do,  Kingston  dear;  and 
such  being  the  case,  there  can  be  no  doubt  that  your  fa- 
ther will  cheerfully  consent  to  our  marriage. 

Lieut.  K.  No — exactly — but — 

Mrs.  P.  But  what  ?     You're  getting  mysterious  again. 

Lieut.  K.  Why,  the  truth  is,  that  in  some  cases  it  is  pos- 
sible for  people  to  agree  to  well ;  and  in  giving  each  other 
a  carte  blanche  upon  the  subject  of  matrimony,  there  was 
one  reservation — I  can't  help  il,  and  so  you  must  pardon  it 
— we  entered  into  an  engagement  that  neither  of  us  was 
to  marry  a  woman  of  an  age  unsuitable  to  his  own ;  this, 
little  thinking  into  whose  delightful  society  I  was  going  to 
be  thrown,  1,  in  a  moment  of  indiscretion,  agreed  to;  and 
if  either  broke  the  engagement,  we  agreed 

Mrs.  P.  You  agreed  to  quarrel,  I  suppose  ? 

Lieut.  K.  Not  exactly,  but  it  is  awkward — isn't  it  ? 

Mrs.  P.  I  don't  know  that.  Some  people  are  more 
reasonable  than  others.  I  see  nothing  so  very  unsuitable 
in  our  ages. 

Lieut.  K.  Nor  I. — In  short,  \  never  thought  about  it. 

Mrs.  P.  I  am  not  a  giddy  girl,  to  be  sure. 

Lieut.  K.  No,  that  you're  not. 

Mrs.  P.  Nor  are  you  a  decrepit  old  man. 

Lieut.  K.  Certainly  not ;  and  so  if  you'll  put   on  your 


ScKWEll.]  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  11 

bonnet,  we'll  order  a  chaise,  be  off  at  once  to  my  dad's, 
and  know  the  worst  of  it. 

Mrs.  P.  You're  quite  right,  Kingston  dear,  any  thing  is 
better  than  suspense.  You  always  like  to  know  the  worst 
of  a  thing,  that's  the  best  of  it.  [Exit  c.  D. 

Lieut.  K.  Yes,  we'll  be  off  to  my  dad's,  tell  our  story, 
throw  ourselves  upon  his  generosity — 

Enter  SHORT,  L.  s.  E. 

ask  for  his  consent,  and — [meeting  SHORT]  who  the  devil 
are  you  ? 

S/tort.  Short,  sir;  master  of  this  inn. 

Lieut.  K.  Short  ]  why  you  haven't  been  here  long,  Short  ? 

Short.  No,  sir;   short  of  a  twelvemonth. 

Lieut.  K.  I  thought  I  remembered  that  I  didn't  recol- 
lect you. 

Short.  Would  you  please  to  take  any  thing,  sir  ? 

Lieut.  K.  Yes !   I  am  going  to  take  myself  off  directly. 

Short.  Then  I  should  recommend  a  nice  mutton  cotelet, 
sir. 

Lieut.  K.  [Impatiently.]    Mutton  devil ! 

Short.  As  you  please,  sir, — but  devils  are  more  com- 
monly taken  for  supper ;  a  nice  mutton  cotelet  I  should 
say  for  you,  and  a  broiled  partridge  for  the  lady. 

Lieut.  K.  I  haven't  time  to  wait. 

Short.  Then,  sir,  decidedly  some  cold  chicken  and 
tongue. 

Lieut.  K.  My  good  friend,  I'm  not  well. 

Short.  Oh  !  I  beg  your  pardon,  sir.  You  wish  for  some 
soup. 

Lieut.  K.  I  don't  wish  for  any  such  thing.  I  am  well 
enough  in  health,  but  I  am  fatigued — and  bothered—  and 
low  spirited. 

•  Short.  If  I  might  suggest,  sir,  J  should  say  there  is  no- 
thing better  than  a  sandwich,  and  a  couple  of  glasses  of 
champagne,  for  any  any  one  who  is  rather  low. 

Lieu..  K.  Then,  my  friend,  as  you  seem  rather  lou\  you 
had  better  swallow  them  yourself.  Order  me  a  chaise, 
and  a  pair  of  horses. 

Short.   Where  for,  sir? 

Lieut.  K.  1  want  to  go  about  ten  miles  on  the  London 
road  ; — to  Admiral  Kingston's,  in  short.  I  dare  say  you 
k  now  it. 


12.  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  [ACT  I. 

Short.  Oh,  yes !   I  know  it,  sir.     Do  you  know  Mm  ? 

Lieut.  K.  I  ought — he's  my  father. 

Short.  You  don't  say  so,  sir  ?  then,  sir,  to  see  your  fa- 
ther, you  needn't  go  farther,  for  your  father  is  nearer  than 
yoa  think  for. 

Lieut.  K.  What !  is  he  in  Portsmouth,  this  morning  ? 

Short.  He's  in  this  very  house. 

Lieut.  K.  My  father  in  this  very  house  1  Why,  I  haven't 
seen  him  for  these  two  years.  You  have  absolutely  given 
me  a  palpitation  in  the  heart. 

Short.  Old  sherry,  sir,  is  considered  an  excellent  thing 
for  that. 

Lieut.  K.  Now  don't  bother  me  about  old  sherry,  but 

lead  the  way  to  my  father's  apartment Or  stay,  tell  me 

the  number  of  it. 

Short.  No.  8,  sir. 

Lieut.  K.  Now,  stand  clear  of  the  gangway,  and  I'll 
soon  find  it.  [Pushes  him  aside,  and  exit,  L. 

Short.  Let  me  see — for  I  suspect  that  this  encountei 
will  turn  out  luckily  for  me.  They  were  all  four  going  to 
the  Admiral's ; — good !  They  can't  all  four  go  in  one 
chaise ; — good  !  The  Admiral  and  his  son  can't  part  the 
moment  they  meet; — good!  and  the  two  ladies  can't  go 
in  one  chaise,  and  leave  the  two  gentlemen  to  go  in  the 
other; — good!  It  follows,  therefore,  that  they  must  all 
stop  here  and  order  a  dinner  ; — good  !  very  good  ! 

ScENElIL — Another  Room  in  the  same — the  ADMIRAL'S 
two  doors  in  flat,  R.  and  L. 

Lieut.  K.  [Opening  L.  D.  F.,  and  rushing  in.]  My  dear 
father  !  I  am  delighted  to  find — f  Stops  and  looks  about.]  No 
one  here  ?  What  an  ass  that  landlord  is  ! — [Rushes  out 
again,  R.  D.  F.J 

Enter,  at  anothe?  door,  R.,  ADMIRALKINGSTON. 

^    Adm.     It's  time  we  were  off ;  or  else  that  youngster  will 

be  at  home  before  me — [Goes_fo  door  of  inner  Room,  R.  2 

E.^and  knocks^      Mary,  my  dear  !   Mary  ! 

Miss  M.  [  Within.]    Coming,  grandpapa. 
~**.Adm.  [  Coming  a wa  y  from  the  door*\  Psha  !   I  wish  the 

little  baggage  would  leave  off  that  silly  custom  of  calling 

me  grandpapa. 


SCENE  III.]  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  13 

Enter  Miss  MORTIMER,  R.  s.  E. 

Miss.  M.  Here  I  am,  grandpapa — What  do  you  want  1 
*~—+Adm.  Why,  my  dear,  in  tjie  first  place,   I    want  you  to 
leave  off  calling  me  grandpapa  ;  now  that  we  are  going  to 
be  man  and  wife. 

Miss  M.  (R.)  I'll  try,  but  I  think  it  will  be  very  diffi- 
cult ;  I  have  been  used  to  it  so  long.  You  know,  you 
taught  me  to  call  you  so  yourself,  when  I  was  a  little  girl, 
and  used  to  sit  upon  your  knee. 

^--  Adm.  (L.)  That's  very  true,  my  dear;  but  that  was 
twelve  or  fourteen  years  ago,  and  it  was  a  joke.  I  have 
changed  my  opinion  since,  and  now  I  think  it's  no  joke. 

Miss  M.  Well,  just  as  you  like,  grand 1  mean,  just 

as  you  like,  sir. 
— •—•*  Adm.  No,  I  don't  like  "  sir,"  neither. 

Miss  M.  What  then  ] 

^^-*  Adm.  Why,  to  say  the  truth,  there  is  a  little  awkward- 
ness about  it.  My  Christian  name,  as  you  know,  is  Theo- 
dore ;  but  as  there  is  rather  more  than  the  usual  difference 
between  our  ages,  perhaps  that  would  sound  a  little  ro- 
mantic.— Suppose  you  call  me  Admiral  ? 

Miss  M.  I  shall  like  that  better  than  any  thing,  for  I 
hope  you  don't  think  that  I  am  going  to  marry  you,  be- 
cause you're  rich. 

*•*•*  Adm.  [Taking  farmhand.]  Delightful  little  creature  !  1 
may  natter  myself,  then,  that  you  are  not  induced  to  con- 
sent to  this  step  for  the  sake  of  my  money? 

Miss  M.  Oh  !  dear,  no  ! 

^—  Adm.  [Aside.]  Frank,  confiding  soul ! — I  can't  deny 
myself  the  luxury  of  hearing  a  further  confession.  [Aloud.] 
You  marry  me,  then,  my  dear  Mary,  for  my — 

Miss  M.  For  your  rank,  to  be  sure. 

*-— ~  Adm.  \Letting  of  %Q  herf  fin^  flfjdf  ]  Oh  !  confound  the 
rank. 

Miss  M.  You  remember  that  I  used  to  read  of  Duncan, 
Nelson,  Howe,  and  Jarvis,  until  I  always  told  papa  that  I 
would  marry  an  admiral ;  though,  to  be  sure,  I  little  thought 
my  words  would  ever  come  true. 

— "~   Adm.  Well,  my  love,  we  won't  pursue  that  subject  any 
'  farther  just  at  present.     My  son  has  landed  here  this  morn- 
ing, from   Gibraltar ;  I  have  missed  him  somehow,,  and  I 


14  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  [ACT  I 

,  suppose  be  has  taken  a  chaise,  and  gone  post-haste  home 
to  see  me.  Your  father  has  given  me  leave  to  take  you 
over,  arid  introduce  you  to  him;  so  1  have  ordered  horsea 
to  my  carriage,  and  I  want  you  to  be  ready  in  five  minutes. 
Miss  M.  I  won't  be  two.  I  haven't  seen  my  old  play- 
fellow, Tommy  Kingston,  since  he  first  went  to  sea, — a 
little  bit  of  a  midshipman. 
.,  Adm.  He's  only  a  lieutenant,  nmp. 

Miss  M.  1  don't  care  a  straw  about  his  rank ;  I  like 
him  for  himself. 

,-  Adm.  \Aside.]  I  would  change  ranks  with  the  young 
dog,  to  have  her  say  that  of  me.  [Aloud.]  You  must  bear 
in  mind,  my  dear,  that  you  and  Torn  are  not  of  an  age  to 
be  playfellows  now. 

Mus  M.  Aren't  we  1  Oh,  la !  I  forgot  I  was  going  to 
be  his  mother. 

^  Adm.  And  there  is  another  thing  that  I  wish  to  mention 
to  you.  1  have  a  particular  reason  for  not  letting  my  son, 
Lieutenant  Kingston,  see  you,  until  after  I  have  had  some 
conversation  with  him. 

Miss  M.  La!  grand — sir! — admiral!  how  mysterious 
you  are.  If  there's  a  secret,  do  tell  it  me. 

*•*  Adm.  No,  no,  there's  no  great  secret  about  it;  only — 
come  now,  put  on  your  things. 

Miss  M.  \  won't  go  till  you  tell  me  what  all  this  means. 
If  I'm  to  be  Mrs.  Admiral  Kingston,  I  ought  to  know  every 
thing  that  you  know. 

,*  Adm.  Well,  well !  you  are  to  be  Mrs.  Admiral  Kingston  ; 
and  you  shall  know — but  it's  really  nothing.  I  only  want 
to  see  my  son  first,  to  inform  him  of  my  intended  mar- 
riage— to  prepare  him  for  it — to  break  it  to  him,  as  it 
were. 

Miss  M.  Break  it  to  him?  what,  do  you  think  it  will 
shock  him  ] 

—  Adm.  Shock  him  !   Oh,  no  ! 
Miss  M.   What  then  ? 

^    Adm.  Why,  he  might  object  to  it. 

Miss  M,   Has  he  any  right  to  object  to  it  ? 

—  Adm.  Certainly  not :  that  is, — not  any  natural  right. 
Mix*  I\I.   Well,  then,  it  wouldn't  signify. 

_  Adm.  \Mmcd.\  The  little  baggage  has  got  the  weather- 
gage  of  me.  and  she  won't  give  me  a  chance.  [A/ou<!.\  T 


SCErs'K  IHJ  NAVAL     CNGA.'J •EMEtfTft.  13 

/  don't  say  that  it  would  signify  ;  but  he  is  my  son,  and  can't 
you  understand  that  I  would  not  willingly  hurt  his  feelings. 

Miss  M.  I  don't  understand  any  thing  about  it,  sir;  do 
you  expect  that  he  will  want  to  marry  me  himself] 
^*-    Aflm.  Want  to  marry  you]    Oh  !   I've  no  fear  of  that. 

Miss  M.  Well,  he  might,  you  know  ; — there's  no  know- 
ing. 

Adm.   \Aside.}     Egad  !  it's  possible  that  he  might;  and 
that's  anothe'iTreason  for  my  seeing  him  first. 

Miss  M.  I  shall  find  out  what  all  this  means,  some  day 
or  other.  You  tell  me  that  you  are  as  anxious  as  pos- 
sible to  see  your  son,  and  yet  you  seem  so  fidgety  at  the 
idea  of  seeing  him,  that  you  don't  know  what  to  do. 
^*»  Adm,.  I  fidgety  at  the  idea  of  seeing  my  own  son  ?  Come, 
I  like  that ! 

Miss  M.  (R.)    Indeed   you    do,    Admiral;   fidgety    and 
nervous  to  a  degree. 

Enter  DENNIS,  L.  F. 

«***   Adm,  (c.)    I  nervous'  and  about  meeting  Tom  1  that's 
capital — that  really  is  capital ! 

Den.  (L.)     Lieutenant  Kingston,  sir,  R.N. 
^*~*Adm.  \ Jumping  rou^nd.]    Who  do  you  say,  sir  ? 

Miss  Mn  say,  Admiral — "  I  nervous  1  1  fidgety  ?" 
.^    Jldm..   Be  quiet  one  moment,  there's  a  good  girl.     [  To 
DENNIS.]    What  is  it  you  say  ] 

Den.  Lieutenant  Kingston,  sir,  R.N.,  has  been  looking 
for  your  honour  all  over  the  house. 
^,—  Adm.  He  hasn't  been  here  ? 

Drn.  I  beg  your  pardon,  sir ;   he  was  here  a  little  ago, 
and  as  he  told  me  there  was  nobody  in  the  room,  I  thought 
I'd  come  in  and  let  you  know  that  he  couldn't  find  you. 
— — *  Adm.   Where  is  he  now? 

Den.  Faith,  sir !  he's  every  where  at  the  same  time,  for 
he  doesn't  stop  more  than  two  minutes  in  one  place. 
al0l^'Adm.  Now,  Mary,  my  love  !  oblige  me  by  retiring  to 
your  own  room  till  I  call  you. 

\Leading  her  towards  the,  door. 

Miss  M.  You  shall  own  something  or  other  to  me  be- 
fore  I  go,  that  I'm  determined — aren't  you  nervous? 
^*—   Adm.  Well,  well !   a  little — now,  go  in. 
Mis*  M.  Aren't  you  fidgety  ? 


10  NAVAL  ENGAGEMENTS.  [ACT  I 

^    A d?n.  The  least  thing  in  life.     There — go  and — 
Miss  M.  Isn't  there  a  mystery  1 
Adm.  Yes,  there  is.     Now  pray  go  in. 
Miss  M.  I  knew  there  was  a  mystery. 

[Exit  to  room,  R.  s.  E. 
^^  Adm.  Waiter ! — whatever  your  name  is, — go  in.""*" 

Den.  Dennis,  sir !  my  name  is  Dennis. 
•—•  Adm.  Well,  Dennis  with  all  my  heart — 

Den.  Oh  !  bless  you,  sir,  that's  not  a  bit  like  it.     Dennis 
Magrath  is  my  name  ! 
»•*  Adm.  The  devil  take  your  name. 

Den.  The  devil  take  my  name,  sir  ?  Och,  never,  sir ! 
The  devil's  not  enough  of  a  gentleman  to  be  allowed  to 
take  the  name  of  Magrath ;  though  there's  none  of  the 
Magraths  that  isn't  universally  allowed  to  have  a  bit  of  the» 
devil  in  them. 

Adm.  Now,  sir,  hold  your  tongue,  and  listen  to  my  or- 
ders. 

Den.  To  be  sure,  sir. 
_~  Adm.  The  young  gentleman  you  spoke  of,  is  my  son. 

Den.  Your  son  1  then  you're  his  father  ? 
"—>  Adm.  Do  keep  silence — T  don't  wish  to  see  him  here  ;  I 
mean,  not  in  this  room.     Go  you,  therefore,  and  fincThim 
and  tell  him  that  I  am  not  yet  come  back. 

Den.  May-be  he  won't  believe  me,  sir;  because  he's  so 
mighty  eager  to  see  you.     Hadn't  I  better  go  tell  him  that 
you  told  me  yourself,  you  wasn't  here  ? 
^    Adm.  Take  your  own  way,  but  get  him  to  his  room,  and 
I'll  follow  him  there. 

Den.  Consider  the  thing  done,  sir.  [Exit,  L.  F. 

<~*-Adm.  It  is  a  devilish  hard  case,  that  a  man  is  to  live  to 
the  age  of  five-and-fifty  with  a  fair  reputation  for  courage, 
and  then  to  be,  all  on  a  sudden,  half  afraid  of  meeting  his 
own  son.  [Exit,  L  F. 

\Miss  Mortimer  opens  the  door,  R.  s.  E.,  and  "peeps  out. 
Miss  M.  It  is   astonishing   how    curious   women    are! 
Here  am   I  peeping  out,  and  I  have  no  reason  to  give  for 
doing  so  half  as   strong  as  that   I  was  desired  not.      The 
Admiral  has  sailed,  and  the  coast  is  clear — there's   no  en- 
emy's  cruiser  in  sight,  and  I  shall  venture  out.      [Goes  to 
door,  L.  F,,  and  listens.]    I  hear  no  one, — I'll  open  the  door. 
[Opens  it  gently.]    Gracious!    there's  somebody   corning. 
[Attempts  to  close  the  door,  which  Lieut.  K.  pulls  open. 


SCENE  IIT.J  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  17 

Lieut.  K.  [Entering,  L.]  Don't  shut  the  door,  old  gen- 
tleman !  I've  found  you  at  last — a  lady  ! 

Miss  M.  (K.)  A  stranger!  \Turning  away  and  aside.] 
I  remember  him,  though  he  doesn't  remember  me  ;  but  I 
Vnusn't  appear  to  know  him,  or  the  Admiral  will  be  angry. 

Lieut.  K.  I  beg  you  pardon — I  fear  you  must  have 
thought  me  very  rude,  but  I  took  you  for  Admiral  Kings- 
ton. 

Miss  M.  It  is  the  first  time  I  have  been  so  much  hon- 
oured, sir. 

Lieut.  K.  I  mean,  I  took  this  for  Admiral  Kingston's 
room. 

Miss  M.  You  were  quite  right,  sir.  He  will  return 
immediately.  I  am  about  to  retire,  and  if  you  will  take  a 
chair,  I  have  no  doubt  you  will  see  him  in  five  minutes. 

Lieut.  K.  Nay,  madam  !  rather  allow  me  to  retire  1  I 
couldn't  think  of  causing  you  to  leave  your — to  leave  his 
— to  leave  this  room.  (Aside.)  Who  the  deuce  can  she  be  ? 

Miss  M.  \Going.]  I  have  only  one  word  more  to  say, 
sir;  you  will  particularly  oblige  me,  by  not  mentioning 
to  the  Admiral  that  you  have  seen  me. 

Lieut.  K.  [Aside.}  What  on  earth  does  that  mean? 
[Aloud.]  One  moment,  ma'am,  pray.  Have  I  the  honour 
of  addressing  a  relation  of  Admiral  Kingston  ? 

Miss  M.  Not  exactly,  sir  !  but  I  think  1  have. 

Lieut.  K'  You  have  the  advantage  of  me. 

Miss  M.  [Curtesying.]    And  I  mean  to  keep  it. 

Lieut,  K.  [Aside.\  How  pi'ovoking  she  is.  [Aloud.] 
Excuse  me,  but  you  seem  aware  that  I  am  the  Admiral's 
son  ;  you  will  therefore  wonder  at  my  natural  curiosity 
upon  a  subject  which — in  short — Madam — Is  my  father 
married. 

Miss  M.  Not  that  I  am  aware  of,  sir. 

Lieut.  K.  [Aside.]  That's  some  relief.  [Aloud.]  Then 
pardon  my  asking,  are  you  here  with  him  ? 

Miss  M.  How  can  I  be,  when  he  is  absent  ? 

Lieut.  K.  No — but  I  mean — is  he  here  with  you  ? 

Miss  M.  The  same  answer  applies. 

Lieut.  K.     There  is  some  mystery. 

Miss  M.  There  is,  indeed. 

Lieut,  K.  You  own  it  ? 

Miss  M.  And  the  Admiral  owns  it. 


18  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  [ACT  I. 

Lieut.  K.  It  must  and  shall  be  cleared  up. 

Miss  M.  Will  you  promise  me  that  ? 

Lieut.  K.  I  will. 

Miss  M.  Then  you  are  a  very  delightful  young  man, 
that  I  will  say.  [Going  towards  the  door  of  her  room,  R.J 

Lieut.  K.  And  you're  a  most  extraordinary  young  wo- 
man— that  I  must  say. 

Miss  M.  And  so  ends  the  first  interview  between  Lieu- 
tenant Thomas  Kingston,  R.  N., — 

Lieut.  K.  [Eagerly.]    And? 

Miss  M.  [Curtesying.]    His  most  obedient  servant. 

[Exit  to  room,  R.  s.  E. 

Lieut.  K.  A  young  lady  in  my  father's  apartments,  who 
knows  him  and  knows  me,  but  whom  I  don't  know,  and 
who  declines  to  tell  me  who  she  is !  I  suspect  the  old 
gentleman  is  running  a  little  wild.  [  Takes  a  chair.]  Well ! 
when  one  can't  understand  a  thing,  the  best  way  is  to  sit 
down  quitely  [jSifoJ  and  wait  patiently  for  an  explanation. 
[Jumping  up.]  I  can't  stop  here  by  myself! 

[Exit,  L.  D.  F. 

SCENE  IV. — -As  2nd. —  The  Lieutenant's   Apartments,    as  ^ 
before. 

**•*  Adm.  \Knocking  without^  and  call^-  t.  ]  Ship  ahoy! 
Tom,  my  boy,  wnere  are  you  t  [Entering j  Tom,  you 
rascal,  where  are  you,  I  say  ? 

Mrs.  P.  \From   her  roomtjc.]     Is  that  you,  Kingston 
dear? 
••-•   Adm.   [  £ft-iir*tyr _j    Who  the  devil  can  that  be  ? 

Mrs.  P.  \ Entering,  and  speaking  "*  frfrf  fflj/fTy,  c.]  I  say, 
is  that  you,  Kingston  dear]  [Starts  on  meeting  Admiral.] 
Bless  me ! 

—• »  Adm.  (L.)  I  certainly  am  Kingston,  ma'am ;  but  I  am 
not  so  fortunate  as  to  be  dear  to  you,  that  I  know  of! 

Mrs.  P.  (R.)  I  beg  your  pardon,  sir — 

**~  Adm.  Don't  apologise,  ma'am,  pray.  [-4s^.]  She's  a 
very  nice-looking  woman ! 

Mrs.  P.  I  presume  you  are  looking  for  Mr.  Kingston  ? 
Adm.  Just  so,  ma'am. 

Mrs.  P.  Is  there  any  thing  I  can  do  for  you  when  he 
returns  1 

*  Adm.  You're  very  kind,   ma'am.     My   principal   busi- 
ness with  him  is  to  embrace  him. 


SCENE  IV.]  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  19 

Mrs.  P.  Sir ! 
^g,  Adm.  Don't  be  alarmed,  ma'am — I'm  his  father. 

Mrs.  P.  [Aside.]  The  Admiral !  What  a  nice-looking 
man  !  [AL°J^-]  You  are  aware,  sir,  that  I  had  not  the 
honour  of  knowing  you.  Mr.  Kingston  will  be  here,  I 
dare  say,  in  two  or  three  minutes. 

Adm.  I  was  rightly  directed,  then ;  and  these  are  his 
apartments  ? 

Mrs.  P.  If  they  were  not,  sir,  1  should  not  be  here. 
^—  Adm.   Indeed  !    LlgfcTcJ    That's  very  extraordinary  ! 

Mrs.  P.  [  Aside. \  I've  made  a  foolish  speech. 
^-  Adm.  You  will  excuse  the  natural  anxiety  of  a  father; 
I  have  not  seen  my  son  for  two  years,  and  after  what  you 
have  said,  it  behoves  me  to  ask  a  question  which  I  trust 
you  will  see  the  propriety  of  answering  candidly — are  you 
his  wife  ? 

Mrs.  P.  No  sir,  I  am  not. 
*s=^  Adm.  Then,  ma'am,  I   very  much   fear  that  you   must 

be 

Mrs.  P.  [Interrupting  him,  and  curtesying.]  Nothing  of 
the  kind,  sir,  I  assure  you. 

^.-^ Adm.  Will  you   oblige  me   by  telling  me  who  you  are? 
Mrs.  P.  (R.)   You  must  excuse  me  ?  I  think  1  hear  your 
son  returning.     I  really  must  beg  to  retire,  although  I  re- 
gret to  own  that  appearance,  at  this   particular  moment, 
is  against  me.     I  can't  exactly  explain  why  I  can't  explain, 
but  when  you  see  your  son,  he  will  explain  every  thing. 
[Curtesys,  and  re-enters  room,  c. 

***•  Adm.  (L.)  Yes,  ma'am,  and  d/s-appearance  at  this  par- 
ticular moment  is  against  you,  too.  A  lady  in  my  son's 
apartments  who  refuses  to  tell  me  who  she  is !  and  who 
says  if  they  were  not  his  apartments,  she  shouldn't  be 
here  !  I  suspect  the  young  gentleman  is  running  a  little 
wild. 

Door  opens,  L.  s.  E.,  and  Lieut.  K.  enters  hastily. 

Lieut.  K.  [Stopping  on  seeing  his  father.]  What!  Ad- 
iiiral  ] 

•»»*  Adm.  What!    Tom,  my  boy!    come  to  my  arms,  you 
#-  [ Lieut.  K.  runs  io  him — t/icij ^embrace. 

Lieut.  K.  (L.)    And  how  are  you,  sir  f 
Adm.  Hearty  as  a  buck,  my  boy,  thank  you.;  hearty  as 


20  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  [.V:T  I. 

\    a  buck,  fresh  as  a  four  year  old,  and  jolly  as  a  sand-boy  ! 
i   How  has  two  years  in   the  Mediterranean  agreed   with 
you? 

Lieut .  K.  Oh  !  very  well,  sir. 

-  Adm.  So  I  see — so  I  see.  You're  looking  famously. 
I  thought  you  were  gone  home,  and  I  should  have  been  off 
after  you,  if  I  had  not  heard  accidentally  that  you  were 
here. 

Lieut.  K.  I  suspect  we  have  missed  one  another  by  be- 
ing in  the  same  house,  sir. 

»  Adm.  Not  unlikely,  faith.  But  no  matter  for  that  now, 
I  have  found  you,  and  by  George,  I'm  as  glad  as  if  I  had 
found  a  large  bag  of  money  ; — nay,  more  so ;  for  I  don't 
want  money,  and  I  do  want  my  son.  \ Shaking  hands  with 
linn  again.} 
^**  Lieut.  K.  You  forget  our  old  compact,  sir.  I  am  not 

your  son — we  are  brotners  ! 

^.^    Adm.  True,  boy,  true  ;  we  are  indeed,  and  always  were, 
more  like  brothers  than  father  and  son.  No  concealment — 

Lieut.  K.  No  restraint — 
^^Ardm.  No  evasion — 

Lieut.  K.   No  black  looks — 
*      '  Adm.  No  disobedience — 

Lieut.  K.  No  harsh  commands — 

Adm.  Well,  well,  we   won't   compliment  one   another 

any  more.     1  believe  we  both  went  upon  the  right  system, 

and  we  can't  do  better  than  stick  to  it :  and  so  get  a  chair, 

Lieutenant  places  chairs.]   sit  you  down,  and  let  us  have 

a  chat  together  upon  the  old  principle. 

Lieut.  K.  (L.)  Without  saying  any  thing-  about  father 
arid  son,  sir,  I  must  say  1  think  it  was  a  little  curious  that 
any  two  men  of  such  different  ages  as  you  and  1  are,  should 
have  agreed  so  exactly  upon  every  subject  that  could  be 
framed. 

Adm.   (R.)  Well,  I  think  it  was. 

LicUt.K.  I  remember  that  we  both  liked  the  same  pur- 
suits— 

Adm.  We  did. 

Lieut.  K.  The  same  amusements — 

Adm.  We  did. 

Lieut.  K.  The  same  people — 
-        Adm.  We  did. 


SCENE  IV.] 


NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  21 


Lieut.  K.  The  same  things  to  eat  and  drink — 

A  dm.   We  did. 

Lieut.  K.  And,  what  was  more   singular  .still,  though  I 
was  an  only  son,  and  you  were  a  rich  widower,  we  even 
agreed  upon  the  subject  of  marriage. 
~,Adm.   Eh? 

Lieut.  K.  Why,  we  did,  sir — didn't  we  ! 
^**Adm.  Oh  !  yes — yes  ;  I  believe  we  did. 

Lieut.  K.  Believe  we  did,  sir?  Why,  wasn't  it  under- 
stood between  us,  that  neither  was  to  make  the  slightest 
objection,  let  the  other  marry  whomever  he  might? 
i  Adm.  [Aside.]  Perhaps  he  has  forgot  the  other  part  of 
the  agreement.  [Aloud.]  To  be  sure  it  was — to  be  sure 
it  was.  \Shaking  hands  with  him. 

Lieut.  K.  That  is — provided — 

-*  Adm.  [Lctling   suddenly  go  of  7iim,   and  aside.]     Oh  ! 
the  devil  take  it !  he  has  not  forgotten  it.     Can  he  suspect  ] 

Lieut.  K.   [Aside.]    The    Admiral   seems  annoyed — he 
can't  have  any  suspicion,  surely. 

[They  both  turn  aside,  and  relapse  into  thought.    Af- __ 
fcr  a  pause  of  mutual  embarrassment,  the  Admiral 
speaks. 
^Adm.  Tom! 

Lieut.  K.  Sir.  [Another^pause.^ 

^Adm.  Tom  ! — Why  don't  you  go  on  speaking,  Tom  ! 

Lieut  K.  I  have  nothing  more  to  say  sir.    {Another  pause. 
^**Adm.  Pray,  Mr.  Tom,  what  is  the  meaning  of  this  sud- 
den awkwardness  between  us? 

Lieut.  K.  I  really  can't  explain,  sir. 
-**  Adm.  It  never  used  to  be  so. 

Lieut.  K.  That's  just  what  I  was  thinking,  sir. 
**"*  Adm.  I  think  it's  a  great  pity. 

Lieut  K.  Sp  do  I,  sir. 

Adm.  [Aj&<ie.\  I  want  to  break  my  marriage  to  him,  but 
I  can't  yet.     I'll  tax  him  about  that  lady. 

Lieut.  K.  [Aside.]  It  won't  do  to  talk  to  him  about  his 
marriage  while  he's  in  this  mood.     I'll  ask  him  who  his  fe- 
male friend  is. 
~>  Adm.  [Aloud  and  sharply.]  Tom  ! 

Lieut.  K.  [Same  tone.]    Sir! 

.  I  won't  bear  this  any  longer. 

Lieut.  K.   That's  right,  sir. 


NAVAL    r.XCA^r.-MF.NTS.  [ACT  I. 


\Tarninrr  his  c7tairtnfindfacin^.^.L>ciif-.]  Sir!  T 
paid  a  visit  to  your  apartments  in  your  absence,  and  there 
I  found  a  lady  — 

Lieut.  K.  \  Turning  his  chair  cmd  facing  Admiral.]  Sir! 
Jpaid  a  visit  to  your  apartments,  "In  yirar  "absence  and 
there  I  found  a  lady  — 

**  Adm.  [Rises.]  Sir!  that  lady  refused  to  tell  me  who 
she  was  —  ^" 

Lieut.  K.  \Ttises.\  Sir!  that  lady  refused  to  tell  me 
who  she  was  — 

^  Adm.  Well,  sir  !  I  shall  set  you  a  good  example  ;  you 
won't  exrlain  and  so  I  will.  f4##&]  Now  for  it,  [Re*. 
suming  their  seats.}  \AJ,o>id.\  You  alluded  just  now  to  our 
old  engagement,  that  either  of  us  were  to  marry  any  one 
he  pleased. 

Lieut.  K.  I  did,  sir.     [Aside.]    What  is  he  after  ? 
^-*  Adm.  Well  !  without  further  preface,  I  am  going  to  be 
married. 

Lieut.  K.  You,  sir? 
^Adm.  Have  I  your  free  consent? 

Lieut.  K.  Oh,  surely,  sir  ;  that  was  the  engagement. 
Provided  — 

—  Adm.  Don't  be  in  a  hurry:  I'm  coming  to  that.  I  re- 
member the  proviso;  and  1  want  you  to  release  me  from 
it.  I  am  going  to  marry  a  young  woman  — 

Lieut.  K.  A  young  woman  ?     \Aside.}     Surely  not  the 
girl  1  saw  in  his  room  !  —  Oh,  I  see,  he  has  got  some  scent 
of  my  intention,  and  this  is  a  pretence  to  try  me.     I  must 
appear  to  consent. 
•--  Adm.  Well? 

Lieut.  K.  Why,  sir,  although  I  had,  and  indeed  have  a 
very  strong  opinion  upon  the  subject,  I  admit  there  may 
be  a  case  in  which  particular  prejudices  ought  to  be 
waived. 

Adm.  Spoken  like  a  man  of  sense.  Tom,  your  voyage 
has  improved  you  every  way.  [J.s^.]  That  difficulty  is 
soon  got  over. 

Lieut.  K.  I'm  glad  you  think  so,  sir.  [Hesita^ingJ^]  I'm 
going  to  be  married,  too,  sir. 
••**  Adm.   You  ?  Pooh  !   nonsense  ! 

Lir.rft.  K.   Fact,  sir,  on  rny  honour. 
•*     Adm.    Well,  with  all  my  heart.     Who  is  the  girl? 


&H&T.  TV]  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  £3 

Lieut.  K.  She  is  not  exactly  a  girl,  sir. 
*k  Adm.  Why,  you're  not  going  to  marry  a  boy  ? 

Lieut.  K.  No,  sir ;  but  it's  curious  enough — I  was  jusl 
screwing  up  my  courage  to  ask  your  consent  to  my  mar- 
rying a  lady  some  fifteen  years  older  than  myself — 
*»*  Adm.  Were  you,  really!  [Aside.]  Zounds,  he  can't 
mean  the  woman  I  saw  in  his  room — Oh,  no,  the  young 
rascal  is  shamming,  just  to  see  what  I  will  say;  but  I'll 
disappoint  him.  [ Aloud.  \  I  quite  agree  with  you,  Torn, 
that  there  may  be  a  case  in  which  particular  prejudices 
ought  to  be  waived?"* 

Lieut.  K.  Sir,  you   are  liberal  to   a  degree.     [£}hff>]iing 
hands  with  him — -aside.]    I  had  no  notion  he  would   have" 
glVe'ri"  Wa^"so^easilyr 

^  Adm.  And  now,  sir,  as  I  have  led  the  van  in  the  way  of 
explanation,  perhaps  you'll  follow  in  the  wake.  Who  is 
the  lady  in  that  room  ] 

Lieut.  K.  That  is  the  lady,  sir. 

n,*~Adm.  The  lady  ]  Why,  is  there  but  one  lady  in  the 
world  ? 

Lieut.  K.  Only  one  that  Pm  going  to  be  married  to. 
_#-*  Art™    Come,  nonsense,  nonsense  !  you're  joking. 

Lieut.  K.  I  assure  you,  sir,  I  never  was  more  serious ; 
the  lady  is  the  widow  cf  the  late  Colonel  Pontifex,  .and 
although,  as  I  said,  some  fifteen  years  older  than  I  am,  she 
is  a  very  charming  woman,  and  a  most  delightful  com- 
panion. We  came  home  in  the  same  packet ;  but  1  first 
met  her  two  years  ago  at  Gibraltar,  where  she  was  con- 
sidered the  most  attractive  woman  in  the  garrison. 
s^-Adm.  Very  likely,  sir ;  but  the  most  attractive  woman 
at  Gibraltar  is  sure  to  be  superseded  the  moment  she  ar- 
rives in  England.  Tom,  Tom,  you're  going  to  make  a 
noodle  of  yourself.  How  often  have  I  seen  youngsters  on 
service  in  the  colonies  commit  this  folly.  They  come  out 
fresh  from  England,  and  make  a  joke  of  every  woman 
they  see  ;  by  degrees  they  grow  more  civil  to  them  ;  until, 
at  last,  they  select  one  from  the  flock  for  particular  atten- 
tion, and  because  she  is  the  best  there,  they  flatter  them- 
selves she  must  be  the  very  best  every  where,  and  so  marry. 

[  They  rise. 

Lieut.  K.  Well,  sir,  it  can't  be  helped  now  ;  and  so,  as 
you  hare  no  intention  of  marrying  yourself,  I  hope  you 
will — 


2-1  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  [ACT  I 

*~  Adm.  What  do  you  mean,  sir?  Didn't  I  tell  you  that  I 
was  going  to  be  married  ?  Didn't  you  see  a  young  lady 
in  my  apartments? 

Lieut.  K.  [Laughing^  My  dear  sir,  you  can't  mean  to 
her  ?  \V"hy,  sne  musr'be  thirty  years  younger  than  you 
are. 

**  Adm.  And  suppose  she  is?  if  there  must  be  a  difference 
in  ages,  it's  far  better  that  the  wife  should  be  younger. 

Lieut.  K.  Something  younger,  yes;  but  fifteen  years  ol- 
der is  better  than  lliirty  years  younger. 
***  Adm.  I  disagree  with  you,  sir. 
-  Lieut.  K.  I  differ  from  you,  sir. 

*«~  Adm.  I  shall  have  the  dutiful  attention  of  a  daughter, 
combined  with  the  affection  of  a  wife.  / 

Lieut.  K.  While  I  shall  find  united  in  one  person,  the 
fond  wife  and  careful  mother. 

*»  Adm.  Careful  grandmother  !  you'll  be  nicely  henpecked 
if  you  marry  that  widow,  depend  upon  it. 

Lieut.  K.  Very  likely,  sir  !  and  you  marry  that  giddy 
girl,  and  you'll  get  your  highly  respected  wig  most  care- 
fully combed,  I  promise  you. 

*"•    Adm.  Your  wife  will  never  let  you  out  of  her  sight. 
Lieut.  K.    Your  wife  will  constantly  let  herself  out  of 


Adm.  You'll  be  wretched  from  morning  till  night. 
Lieut.  K.  That's   my   business.  —  You   won't    know   a 
quiet  moment. 
*—  .  Adm.  That's  mine. 

Lieut.  K.  Well,  sir!  you  may  break  our  engagement, 
if  you  will,  but  I'll  never  give  my  consent. 
*»•*•  Adm.  Nor  I. 

Lieut.  K.  Just  now  you  said  there  might  be  cases-  — 
.~-~+Adm.  And  so  did  you, 

Lieut.  K.  I  beg  your  pardon,  sir  ;   I  said  a  case. 
-  Ad?n.  And  so  did  I. 

Lieut.  K.  I  was  alluding  to  my  own. 
»*»  Adm.   I  was  alluding  to  my  own. 

Lieut.  K.  Well,  sir  !  it  appears  that  we  can't  agree  upon 
this  subject,  and  so  we  had  better  part. 
*+  Adm.  By  all  means,  sir. 

Lieut.  K.  Good  bye  then,  sir. 

[(rtf/tyi?  totgfirds  inner  room,  c, 


NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS, 


":>    Adm.  G-ood  bye,  sir.     [  Going  towardsthe  outer  door,  L.] 
Pray,  go  to  your  widow. 

Lieut.  K*  And  you,  sir,  —  to  your  boarding-school  miss* 


Enter  at 


om     uteTj       tss         /e  E. 

Miss  M.  (L.)  My  dear  Admiral  !    What  is  the  matter? 

Mrs,  P.  (R.  c.)  Kingston  dear  !  what  is  the  matter  ? 
•—  -  Adm.  (L.  c.)  Let  me  pass,  Mary.     I  won't  stay  here 
another  minute. 

Miss  M,  [Checking  him.\  Nay,  sir  — 

Lieut.  K.  (R.)  Pray,  stand  aside.     I  wish  to  leave  the 
ix)om. 

Mrs.  P.  [In  an  imploring  tone^\  Kingston  dear  — 
-^   Adm.  [Mocking  her^and^aside.]    "  Kingston  dear  ;"  she'll 
make  me  sick.  —  Come,  Mary  love,  come  ! 

Lieut.  K.  [Aside.]    "  Mary  love  !"  —  Well  done,  old  gen- 
tleman. 

Mrs.  P.  Never  mind  I  it's  for  you  to  give  way  —  he's 
your  father. 

Miss  M.  Consider,  sir  !  and  make  some  allowance  for 
your  son. 

Mrs.  P.  Speak  to  him,  or  he'll  be  gone 

Lieut,  K.  Admiral  I 
^Adm.  Well,  sir?  Srl~    l~      V  * 

Lieut.  K.  Don't  go. 
^Adm.  I  will. 

Lieut,  K.  -Stop  J  {Coming  down. 

^*Adm.  I  won't.  *  «'••""""  ......  ™"r™ 

Lieut.  K.    Well,  sir  !  do  as  you  like;  —  LQ^HSi^ilfe^ 
and  brinfr^tynj,  ......  /|g^y  ]  but  there  are  ladies  in   tne   room 

and  I  presume  you  won't  like  them  to  report  that  we  have 
behaved  unlike  gentlemen. 

A<Lm.  (L.)   Well,  sir  !  what  do  propose? 

Lieut.  K.   (R.)   Why,  as  it  seems  that  an  introduction 
must  take  place  at  some  time  or  other,  had  not  it  better  be 
done  at  once  1 
-   Adm.   With  all  mj£  heart. 

Miss  M,  Now,  come,  sir,  that's  quite  right. 

[Takes  hold  of  Ids  arm,  and  tries   to  walk  lain  down 
towards  the  centre;  "he  ed»es  her  off  toxide 
***"^** 


JL  f  lE^v/fl  •    fr*-,  ^fl/i&r'*  ,/rifm7 


an 


d  looking  u^6^fi!A^[j^^i  .  I    Selina  !   allow  me  to 
present  you  to  niy  latnerl—  -Admiral  Kingston  ! 

l""l'il\.'f  At    7i"H    Ma"1  am,   your 


most  obedient  !  I  1?urns_  awayj^^L^laoI^s^  al 
introduces  them.]  Mary,  my  love!  that's  my  son  out  there 
-—Lieutenant  Kingston  ;  Lieutenant  Kingston,  this  is  Miss 
Mary  Mortimer, 

m  Lieut.  K.  \Startyffi^L  My  little  playfellow  !  [S-unmn^ 
and  shaking  k  ano!swith  her.]  How  dull  I  was  not  to  re- 
member you. 

A  din  .  \  Une  qsy..^J&  ary  ! 

Mrs.  P.  [  Uneasy.]    Kingston,  dear  ! 
dm.   That  will  do. 

Mrs.  P.  That's  quite  enough. 

\Miss  M.  goes  to  AJm^and  Liinit.  K.  to  Mrs.  P, 

Lieut.  K.  You  ladies   haven't  been    [Gets   to   PL]    intro- 
duce to  each  other  now.  —  Miss  Mortimer  !   allow  me  to  in- 
troduced to  you  Mrs.  Pontifex  —  my  intended  wife. 
.....  m  Adm.  Faugh  ! 

Mrs.  P.  "  Faugh,"  indeed  ! 
*  Mis$  M.  [To  Mrs.  P.]  Take  no  notice  of  it. 
^Lieut.  K.  (iC)  Mrs.  Pontifex!   Miss  Mary  Mortimer! 

5ld?nt.  .Ves,ana'^im  !  my  intended  wife  ! 
Vt&ut*  A  Jlbs^rd  ! 

Miss  M.  (L.  c\)  "  Absurd  !" 

Mrs.  P.  [R.  c.,  shaking  Stands,  u'ith  Miss  M.]  Never 
mind  what  he  *says  —  Lm  very  happy  to  maxe  your  ac- 
quaintance. 

Miss  M.  You're  very  kind. 

Adm.  It  will  be  rather  a  short  acquaintance,  I  suspect. 

Mrs.  P.  I  hope  not,  sir. 

>  Adam.   Then,  ma'am,  you  had   better  cease  to  encou- 
rage my  son  in  his  folly. 

Mrs.  P.  Folly  sir] 

Miss  M.  (soothing  her.)  Don't  be  excited. 

Lieut.  K.  Come,  that's  pvetty  well,  governor  :  consider- 
ing the  outrage  that  you  are  going  to  commit. 

Miss  M.  Outrage  !  Mr.  Kingston  ? 

Mrs.  P.  (soothing  her.)  Pray,  be  calm. 

Lieut  K.  Don't  call  me  Mr.  Kingston,  Mary. 


SCENE  l  V  ]  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  27 

Adm.  I  say,  do;  and  don't  you  call  her  Mary. 

Mrs.  P.  (to  Miss  M.)  Don't  let  us  be  annoyed  whatever 
they  say,  and  then  we  shall  have  some  chance  of  their  fol- 
lowing a  good  example. 

Miis.  M.  An  excellent  plan  ;  they  may  say  what  they 
like  for  me. 

Lieut.  K.  There's  something  perfectly  ridiculous  in  the 
notion  of  a  man's  marrying  a  little  chit,  young  enough  to 
be  his  grand  daughter. 

Miss  M.  "  Little  chit,"  and  "  grand-daughter  !"  That 
is  rather  too  much  to  bear. 

Mrs.  P.  Now,  you  promised  that  you  wouldn't  mind 
anything  they  said. 

Miss  M.  Yes  !  but  there's  a  medium. 
*   Adm.  I  should  say,    it   was  infinitely   preferable    to  a 
trumpery  boy's  marrying  a  woman  old  enough  to  be  his 
grandmother. 

Mrs  P.  (screaming.)  Ah  !  Who  is  to  bear  that,  I  should 
like  to  know  ? 

Miss  M.  Now  you  said  you  would. 

Mrs.  P.  Very  likely,  my  dear  !  but  there  is  reason  in  all 
things.  —  Kingston  dear  !  I  shall  leave  the  room,  and  1 
request  you  to  come  with  me. 

Enter  SHORT 


**f  Adm.  That's  the  most  sensible  proposition  I  have  heard 
yet.     Mary,  come  with  me. 

Miss  M.  (looking  ^pkafu  LIEUT.  feJ  I  shall  have  great 
pleasure,  sir,  in  leaving  the  society  of  the  rudest  young 
man  in  Portsmouth. 

Lieut.  K.  (going  to  her.}  Nay,  Mary,  I  had  no  inten- 
tion - 

Go  away,  sir.     Come  along,  love. 

' 


[Asjheif   are  going  out  at    the  ' 

goes  to  'ADMIRAL  with  bill  of  fiutev 
Short.  "Won't  you  please  to  order  dinner,  sir  ? 
.Adm.  No,  sir  !  [Shuts  door  inhisface. 

Mrs.  P.   Come,  Kingston  dear. 

[He  goes  to  her  —  SHORT  foil  oivs  him,  and  as  they  are 

going  through  the  door  -w  ay  , 
Short.   Won't  you  please  to  order  dinner,  sir  1 
Lieut  K.  No,  sir  !  \Shuts  c.  door  in  h  is  face. 


28  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  [ACT  1 1  . 

Short.  They  are  all  mad ! 

[Returns  to  door  L.  H.  D.,  and  as  he  is  going  out — 

Den.  (iv/i.o  has  followed  him.)  You  had  better  order  the 
dinner  yourself,  sir. 

Short.  No,  sir!  [Shuts  door  in  his  face. 

Den.  I'll  not  be  out  of  the  fashion  anyway;  so  I'll  say 
something  to  myself,  bounce  out  of  the  room,  and  bang 
the  door  in  my  own  face.  "  Dennis !"  "  Sir  to  you !" 
Will  you  order  dinner  1"  No,  sir!" 

END    OF    ACT   I. 


AC  T.  II. 

SCENE  L— As   Scene    1st.    Act   1st.— The  Hall  in  the 
Fountain  Inn. 

Enter  R.  DENINS,  cautiously. 

Den.  Master,  dear !  botheration  !  the  more  I  searches 
for  master,  the  more  I  misses  him.  \Ezit  same  way,  R. 

Enter  L.  H.  SHORT. 

Short.  Surely  I  heard  that  stupid  follow  Dennis,  calling 
me — Why,  there  he  is ;  Dennis  ! 

Re-enter  DENNIS. 

Den.  And  it's  there  you  are  at  last,  master  dear;  now 
I'd  be  mighty  glad  if  you'd  just  tell  me  where  you've 
been  to  ? 

Short.  Where  have  I  been  ?  nowhere. 

Den,  By  the  powers  !  that's  just  what  I  thought,  for  I've 
looked  for  you  everywhere. 

Short.  The  way  not  to  miss  a  person  is  to  remain  in  the 
same  place. 

Den.  Then  I  won't  easily  miss  you  again,  sir;  for  I'll 
not  leave  my  present  place  in  a  hurry,  you  may  depend 
upon  it. 

Short.  Well,  what  have  you  found  out? 

Den.  Nothing,  sir. 

Short.  What  did  you  want  to  tell  me  then  ? 


SCENE  I  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS. 

Den.  Why,  sir!  1  wanted  to  tell  you  that  I've  get  noth- 
ing to  tell  you  ;  and  there's  some  information  in  that. 

Short.  Useful  information,  truly  • 

Den.  Well,  then,  I  declare  it's  no  fault  of  mine,  I'm 
willing  to  serve  you  through  thick  arid  through  thin  ;  but 
if  you  will  have  the  doors  of  this  respectable  inn  so  ama- 
zingly thick,  it's  quite  impossible  for  the  most  attentive 
waitei  to  hear  what  people's  a  talking  about  on  the  other 
side  of 'em. 

Short.  The  doors  are  thin  enough;  it's  your  head  that's 
too  thick. 

Den.  If  I  thought  that  I'd   have  it  shaved  once  a  day 

Short.  Neither  the  Admiral  nor  his  son  has  said  a  word 
more  about  the  horses  they  ordered,  I  believe  ? 

Den.  Not  a  word,  sir!  they  have  both  been  in  their 
rooms  ever  since,  talking  away  like  fun  to  their  ladies;  but 
for  all  1  could  catch,  it  might  as  well  have  been  Hebrew 
they  were  speaking. 

Short,  (aside.)  To  send  such  a  noodle  as  this  to  listen, 
is  to  risk  the  character  of  my  house  without  getting  any 
information  in  exchange.  (Aloud.)  Now  Dennis,  listen  to 
me. 

Den.  Yes,  sir!  \Going. 

Short.  Never  you  listen  to  any  body  again.  (Seeing  that 
he  is  going.)  Why  don't  you  listen  to  me,  you  rascal  ? 

Den.  You  told  me  not,  sir;  beside,  sir,  listeners  seldom 
hear  any  good  of  themselves. 

Short.  Go  along  about  your  business. 

Den.  Ah  !  now,  don't  call  it  business ;  you're  such  an 
elegant  master,  that  my  business  is  my  pleasure. 

Short.  You're  a  humbug. 

Den.  I'd  rather  hear  you  say  that  than  think  it,  any 
day. 

Short.  Now  get  away  ;  there's  one  of  the  ladies  coming. 

Den.  (looking  in  opposite  direction.)  So  there  is  sure 
enough  ! 

[Turns  to  go  off  the  same  way  he  comes  on,  and  encoun- 
ters Miss  Mortimer,  R.  .entering.  [Short  turning 
to  go  off]  L.  encounters  Mrs.  Pontifex,  entering. 

Short.  1  beg  your  pardon,  ma'am  !  Exit  L. 

Den.    I  ask  your  pardon  Miss.  Exit  R. 

(  The  laches  approach  each  other,  both  seeming  rather 
confused. 


30  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  [Acrll. 

Miss  P.  (L  )  \After  a  pause.]  I  am  happy  to  have  met 
you,  my  dear.  I  was  just  coming  to  knock  at  your  door 
and  ask  the  favor  of  a  few  minutes  conversation  with  you. 

Miss  M.  (R.)  How  very  odd  !  I  was  seeking  you,  with 
the  same  object  in  view. 

Miss  P.  That's  curious  enough. 

Miss  M.  Isn't  it] 

Miss  P.  It  is  indeed  ! 

Miss  M.  Very. 

Mrs.  P.  [After  a  pause.]  Well,  my  dear !  what  was  it 
you  were  going  to  say  1 

Miss  M.  Upon  my  word,  when  I  left  my  room  I  thought 
I  knew  ;  but  popping  upon  you  so  suddenly  has  put  it 
quite  out  of  my  head. 

Mrs.  P.  I  think  I  can  guess;  and  moreover  I  strongly 
suspect  that  our  motives  in  seeking  each  other  are  very 
similar.  You  feel  with  me  the  peculiar  awkwardness  ot 
the  circumstances  under  which  we  have  first  met  1 

Miss  M.  Indeed,  I  do. 

Mrs.  P.  And  you  would  be  glad  if,  by  laying  our  heads 
together,  we  could  devise  some  plan  to  relieve  that 
awkwardness  1 

Miss  M.  Indeed,  I  should. 

Miss  P.  It  seems  that  the  Admiral  and  his  son  never 
had  a  dispute  in  their  lives  till  now. 

Miss  M.  Exactly. 

Mrs  P.  1  must  say,  I  think  that  the  Admiral  is  a  little 
unreasonable  ;  because,  after  al],  I  am  but  fifteen  years 
older  than  my  Kingston. 

Miss  M.  Well !  and  I  am  but  thirty  years  younger  than 
mine. 

Mrs  P.  Yes,  my  dear;  but  look  at  the  difference  be- 
tween fifteen  and  thirty. 

Miss  M.  I  do  ;  but  look  at  the  difference  betwen  a 
woman  arid  a  man  ;  you  know  that  a  man  ought  to  be  a 
good  many  years  older  than  his  wife. 

Mrs.  P.  Very  likely  my  dear;  but  when  you  are  my 
age,  you  will  have  learnt  that  men  are  not  always  what 
they  ought  to  be. 

Miss.  M.  Why  are  you  going  to  marry  Lieutenant 
Kingston  1 

Mrs.    P.  That  is  rather  an  abrupt  question  :  but  it  is  at 


NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  31 

all  events  frank,  and  I  will  frankly  answer  it.  We  were 
thrown  a  great  deal  into  each  other's  society  at  Gibraltar, 
he  paid  me  much  attention ;  he  became  ill  and  I  returned 
that  attention  ;  he  recovered,  expressed  his  wish  to  marry 
me,  and  1  consented. 

Miss  M.  And  do  you  think  he  still  wishes  to  marry 
you  ? 

Mrs.  P.  What  an  odd  girl  you  are  !  Certainly  I  do,  or  I 
would  release  him  from  his  engagement  in  a  moment. 

Miss  M.  Well,  that  is  very  goodnatured  of  you,  though, 
I  must  say. 

Mrs.  P.  Now  perhaps  you'll  tell  me  why  you  are  going 
to  be  married  ? 

Miss  M.  With  pleasure.  I  always  said  I  would  marry 
an  admiral :  and  papa  wishes  me  to  marry  Admiral  King- 
ston. 

Mrs.  P.  Well,  as  matters  seem  to  be  settled  for  both  of 
us,  the  only  rational  way  is  to  make  the  best  of  them  ;  now 
I  want  the  father  and  the  son  each  to  release  the  other 
from  his  engagement,  and  to  be  friends  as  they  ought. 

Miss  M.  I  don't  think  the  Admiral  will  ever  forgive 
Tom. 

Mrs.  P.  Tom !  my  dear  1 

Miss  M.  I  beg  your  pardon  !  we  were  playfellows  as 
children,  and  1  have  never  seen  him  since  till  to-day  ;  Lieu- 
tenant Kingston  I  mean. 

Mrs.  P.  I  should  say  that  Lieutenant  Kingston  has  far 
more  to  complain  of  than  his  father, 

Miss  M.   I  can't  say  I  see  that. 

Mrs.  P.  However,  my  proposition  is  that  you  shall  go 
and  endeavour  to  prevail  on  my  intended  to  forgive  his 
father  ;  while  I  see  whether  [  can't  induce  your  Admiral 
to  have  some  compassion  for  his  son. 

Miss  M,  I'll  try  it,  with  all  niy  heart ;  but  he  was  very 
rude  to  me  an  hour  ago,  you  remember. 

Mrs.  P.  My  dear  child,  don't  talk  about  that ;  remem- 
ber the  Admiral's  ludeness  to  me, 

Miss  M.   Well,  I  shall  do  my  best.  \Crossingi,. 

Mrs.  P.  And  the  best,  as  they  say,  can  do  no  better. 

Miss  M.  [Stopping  and  turning.]  Mrs  Pontifex. 

Mrs.  P.  [Stopping  and  turning.]  My  dea/ T 

Miss  M.  Don't  you  make  too  much  love  to  my  fine  old 
English  Admiral  ;  or  else  I  shall  be  jealous. 


32  WAV  AT,    ENGAGEMENTS.  [ACT  11 

Mrs.  P.  I'll  take  care.     And  I  say,  my  dear! 
Miss  M.  What  say  you? 

Mrs.  P.  Lieutenant  Kingston,  if  you  please;  not  Tom  ? 
[Exeunt  sever  ally,  u.  and  L. 

SCENE.  II. — As  Scene  3rd,  Act  L — Sette  and  two   chairs 
as  before. 

The  ADMIRAL  discovered  t^pll-inf*  uv  and  fl.tnnfa 

^*«—    Aam.  This  is  a  confounded  mess,  and  I   don't  see   my 

I  way  out  of  it.  It's  the  first  disagreement  that  Tom  and  I 
ever  had,  and  I  must  own  that  1  never  felt  so  uncomforta- 
ble in  my  life.  \Knock  at  room  door^  E.]  Come  in. 

Enter  DENNIS,  L» 

Ddn.  Are  you  alone,  sir  1 
*Adm.  I  am-,  and  wish  to  be  left  alone. 
Den.  In  course,  sir.     I'm  a  waiter,  and  it's  my  duty  to 
attend  to  your  wishes  ;  but  by  the  same  token  it's  my  duty 
to  attend  to  every  body's  wishes;  and  a  lady  has  sent  me  to 
you  with  a  message. 

Adm.  I'm  sorry  it's  not  a  gentleman,  for  I  feel  mon- 
strously inclined  to  shoot  somebody. 

Den.  It  would  shuit  the  lady  if  you  could  see  her  now, 
sir ! 
^  Adm.  What  is  she  ? 

Den.  Why,  sir,  you  see  some  names  is  hard  to  remem- 
ber easily  ;  but  I  should  say  the  lady's  name  is  Mrs.  Hali- 
fax, or  Paddywhacks. 

Adm.  Don't  you  think  it  was  Mrs.  Pontifex  ? 
Den.  I  don't  think  at  all  about  it,  sir  j  because  I'm  sure 
of  it. 
P»»  Adm.  Beg  her  to  walk  in. 

Den.  [aside.]  "  Beg  her  to  walk  in  I  I  wonder  did  he 
think  she  was  going  to  ride  in  Exit  L. 

*~*  Adm.  What  the  deuce  can  she  have  to  say  to  me  ! 

Re-enter  DENNIS,  L.  conducting  Mrs.  PONTIEEX. 

Den,  [announcing.]  Mrs.  ,  that  lady,  sir  ? 

«^  Adm.  Leave  the  room,  sir.     [ Exit  D E NNIJLL-  1  Madam, 
once  more  your  most  obedient.     Permit  me  to  offer  you  a 
chair.      \Ptares  one  for   L.  n.  and   ari other  for 
" 


Srr.M'/Ii-.]  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  SH 

Mrs  P.   [L.]   We  have  been  introduced    to  each  other, 
Admiral   Kingston,   under  circumstances  of  a  very  unpro- 
mising nature. 
***•  Adm.  [R.]  Most  unpromising,  ma'am  ;  most  unpromising. 

Mrs.  P.  It  would  give  me  the  siricerest  pleasure,  if,  by 
any  means  in  my  power,  I  could  set  matters  straight  be- 
tween you  and  your  son. 

*"""  Adm.  I  dare  say  it  would,  ma'am.  I  can  easily  under- 
stand that. 

Mrs.  P.  Will  you  be  candid  enough  to  tell  me  exactly 
what  you  mean  ] 

Adm.  Why,  ma'am,  as  I  am  speaking  to  a  lady,  I  would 
rather  leave  my  meaning  to  her  own  penetration  ;  but  this 
is  no  time  for  overstrained  delicacy. 

Mrs.  P.  On  that  point,  sir,  at  all  events,  you  will  find 
that  we  are  agreed. 

+Adm.  Well  then,  ma'am,  to  be  plain  with  you,  I  can  easily 
understand  your  readiness  to  set  matters  straight  between 
me  and  my  son  ;  because  your  so  doing  would  lead  to  your 
marriage  with  a  good  looking,  good-for-nothing,  gentle- 
manly young  rascal ;  with  the  Queen's  commission  to  his 
back,  and  the  prospect  of  a  fine  fortune  in  his  front. 

Mrs.  P.  Self  interest,  then,  then,  you  consider  to  be 
my  only  motive  ] 

~*Adm.  Why,  ma'am,  to  pursue  the  candid  line;  I  imagine 
there  can't  be  any  violent  love  on  either  side  ;  when  the 
gentleman  is  only  five-and-twenty,  and  the  lady  is — • 

Mrs.  P,  Turned  of  forty,  sir  !  don't  hesitate,  we  are 
pursuing  the  "candid"  line,  you  know. 

4^ Adm.  Madam,  I  must  own  that  you  have  anticipated 
me. 

.Mrs.  P.  And  I  shall  beg  leave  to  do  so  again,  sir,  for  I 
see  that  you  want  my  assistance.  There  is  a  native  warmth, 
a  kindness  about  your  heart,  sadly  at  variance  with  the 
tone  of  severity  which  you  are  endeavoring  to  assume 
towards  me. 

***Adm.  [forgetting  hjjnsdf-}  Ma'am  you  are  very  good, 
[recovering  his  tone]  but  you  are  very  much  mistaken:  I 
have  by  no  means  a  kind  heart.  In  short,  you  can't  pos- 
sibly know  any  thing  about  my  heart. 

Mrs.  P.  Why,  sir,  I  have  listened  to  its  praises  from 
vour  son  for  hours  together. 


34  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  [ ACT  11 


Adm.  [aside]  B]ess  his  heait !  bless  his  heart !  [Aloud.] 
It  would  have  been  much  better  if  you  had  never  listened 
to  any  thing  my  son  said. 

Mrs.  P.  You  are  of  opinion  that  I  have  entrapped  your 
son  into  a  promise  of  marriage,  solely  because  I  hoped 
to  share  the  fortune  he  expects  from  you — 

Adm.  Madam !  you  have  said  it. 

Mrs.  P.  You  think  that  I  have  no  real  regard  for  his 
happiness;  but  that  I  would  force  myself,  at  the  price  of 
that,  into  connection  with  an  ancient  and  honourable 
family — 

Adm.  I  never  contradict  a  lady. 

Mrs.  P.  In  this. case,  you  would  have  done  her  better 
justice  if  you  had. 

Adm.  Can  you  make  that  appear  ] 

Mrs.  P.  With  the  greatest  ease  ;  I  came  here  hither  in 
the  hope  of  inducing  you  to  consent  to  a  marriage  which 
your  son  had,  to  use  the  mildest  term,  gersuadc.dMrnself, 
would  make  him  happy.  From  that  son's  description  of 
you,  I  had  expected  to  find  you  kind — 
^  Adm.  Ah  ! 

Mrs.  P.  Affectionate— 
Ah ! 

Mrs.  P.  And  generous. 
Ah ! 

Mrs.  P.  Instead  of  which,  it  seems  you  are  harsh — 

*Adm.  Ma'am! 

Mrs.  P.  Unfeeling. 

Adm.  Ma'am  ! 

Mrs.  P.  And  unrelenting. 

Adm.  Ma'am ! 

Mrs.  P.  We  are  pursuing  the  "candid"  line,  you  know, 
sir,  by  agreement. 
,    Adm.  Yes,  madam,  but  you  needn't  grg&p;he  line. 

Mrs.  P.  Well,  sir,  to  prove  you,  at  all  events,  that  you 
have  done  me  injustice ;  to  show  you  that  1  have  a  real 
feeling  for  your  son,  and  none  for  his  fortune,  I  am  will- 
ing to  make  a  great  sacrifice. 

Adm.  What !  to  take  the  boy  with  half  his  money,  I 
suppose  ? 

Mrs.  P.  No,  sir;  I  resign  all  pretensions  to  his  money 

Adm.  [drawing  his  chair  nearer  to  her.]  What's  that  you 
say,  madam. 


SCENE    II.]  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  35 

Mrs.  P.  And,  rather  than  prolong  an  unhappy  differ- 
ence between  a  hard-hearted  father  and  a  persecuted  son, 
I  also  resign  all  pretension  to  his  hand,  and  release  him 
fi'orn  his  engagement. 

^     A  dm.  \  drawing  hi-s  chair  quitq  close  ^ker."}  Would  it  be 
too  much  trouble  to  say  that  again  '{ 

Mrs.  P.  Not  at  all,  sir.  Rather  than  prolong  an  unhappy 
difference  between  a  hard  hearted  - 


Adm.  \i-w:tf^M2lS&Si&']  ^  don't  mean  that  part. 
Mrs*  P.  I  resign  all  pretensions  to  his  hand,  and  release 
him  from  his  engagement. 

**  Adm.  Ma'am  you  are  a  most  a  extraordinary  woman. 
Mrs.  P.  I  am  glad  you  think  so  (rising)  and  now  - 
^Adm.  No,  no!  sit  down,  sit  down,  pray  ;  it  is  just  pos- 
sible that  you  may  have  done  me  some  injustice:  so  sit  down 
pray,  (she  sits.)  My  dear  madam,  you  have  surprised  me, 
my  dear  Mrs.  Poritifex,  I  may  say  you  have  astounded 
me  :  and  though  you  have  called  me  harsh,  unfeeling  and 
unrelenting,  I  do  assure  you  that  I  am  not  actually  de- 
serving of  either  of  those  epithets.  I'm  not  easily  driven, 
Uut  I  don't  like  being  outdone  upon  a  point  of  generosity; 
I  won't  accept  this  resignation  of  yours  until  I  know 
more  about  the  matter.  I'm  not  a  stock,  nor  a  stone;  I 
love  my  son,  you  think  I  don't,  but  I  do  —  I  love  that  boy 
dearer  than  my  life  ;  yes,  madam  !  dearer  than  my  life, 
hard-hearted  as  I  am  :  and  sooner  than  see  him  wretched, 
I'll  consent  to  his  marriage,  forego  my  own,  and  jump 
into  the  sea.  (Rises.) 

Mrs.  P.   And  now,  my  dear  sir,  I  beg  you  to  forgive  all 
that  I  have  said  ;  for  you  are  indeed  the  kind,  good,  libe- 
ral, and  warm-hearted  being  your  son  has  always  descri- 
bed you  to  be. 
^i—  n.  /<-/™    That  boy  is  a  boy  of  ten  thousand,  ma'am  ! 

Mrs.  P.  He  is  indeed  :  and  such  being  the  case,  you 
will  give  him  your  hand,  won't  you  ?  and  bid  him  forget 
the  momentary  unpleasantness  that  has  passed. 
mHmAd?n.  Ma'am  !  my  hand  shall  be  at  his  service  for  two 
purposes  ;  I'll  first  box  the  young  rascal's  ears  for  being 
impertinent  to  his  father,  and  then  I'll  give  him  such  a 
grip  of  friendship  as  a  Biwttsh  sailor  has  ever  ready  for  his 
late  enemy  upon  the  proclamation  of  peace. 

Mnt.  P.  This  js  indeed  charming  :  shall  we  go  to  him? 


£v>  NAVAT,   r.'.v  .".';.:  r-;:\r/.  f ACT  M 

**Altn.  [  Tt^ng..Ler...hamljb  Not  yet!  Now  don't  be  in 
such  a  hurry — I  want  to  talk  with  you  a  little  more — you 
must  know  that  I  am  getting  quite  fond  of  you. 

Mrs.  P.  I'm  sure,  sir,  I  am  very  much  flattered. 

Adm.  Not  at  all,  not  at  all ;  it  is  your  own  merit — your 
own  attractions  which  have  in  so  short  a  time  converted 
an  antipathy  into  a  predilection. 

Mrs.  P.  I'm  quite  delighted,  sir. 
"•••Adm.  Tom  loves  you,  I  suppose  1 

Mrs.  P.   I  believe  he  does. 

Adm.  1  don't  wonder  at  it ;  he  would  be  a  precious 
fool,  and  very  unlike  his  father,  if  he  didn't.  You  musn't 
be  annoyed  with  me  for  my  frankness,  but  I  tell  you  very 
plainly,  that  I  never  was  so  taken  with  any  lady  upon  a 
first  acquaintance  in  my  life. 

Mrs.  P.  Annoyed,  my  dear  sir  ?  Why,  to  please  you  is 
the  first  wish  of  my  heart. 

Adm.   You  don't  say  so  ? 

Mrs.  P.  Next  to  that  of  pleasing  your  son. 
""*  Adm.  Ah  !  hang  that    Tom  !  those  sons  are   always    in 
one's  way  :  well,  "well,  say  no  more  about  it — he's  a  lucky 
dog — but  you're  too  old  for  him — you  are  indeed. 

Mr*.  P.  Don't  say  any  thing  about  that,  sir. 
^Adm.  My  dear,    I  must — candor — you    know — candor 
— you're  a  charming  woman — but,  by  George,  you're  too 
old  to  marry  Tom. 

Mrs.  P.  I  suspect  that  I  am  not  the  only  person  in  the 

room  who  is  about  to  marry  one  much  younger  than 

—v  Adm.  Now,  don't  mention  that. 

Mrs.  P.   Candor — you  know,  sir — candor. 
M  Adm.  Now,  pray  don't— I   confess    my   folly — I   don't 
know  how   it  came  about — I  almost    wish,  for  her   sake, 
that  it  had  not  come  about — she's  a  dear,  good  girl". 

Mrs.  P.  You  would  say  so  again,  if  you  knew  all. 
^  Adm.  All— What  is  all  1 

Mrs.  P.  She  is  at  this  moment,  I  believe,  with  your 
son. 
«»•  Adm.   With  my  son  ?     What  the  devil  for? 

Mrs.  P.  For  the  same  purpose  that  I  came  to  you-^- 
to  reconcile  you  to  each  other ;  as  I  have  prospered  so 
well,  the  work  is  more  than  half  done.  [Going. 

^  Adm.   Don't  let  us  go  just  yet. 


i?L  r:  v  E  I  il  .  (  N  A  V.A  L    :  :  .V  ;:  A  '  :  ;<:  M  E  XTS.  .1  7 

M/'j.    P.   Nay,   sir  !    Why   delay,    when  good  is  to  be 
done  7 

-  Adm.  I  don't  know  —  I'm  in  no  hurry;  that's  all  I  know 
—  but  it  shall  be  as  you  wish  —  every  thing  shall  be  as  you 
wish. 

Mrs,  P.  [Going.}  I'll  lead  the  way  then. 

rn.  Nay,  my  dear  !  let  rne  offer  you  an  arm. 

Mrs.  P.  Oh  !  with  pleasure. 


,^~  Adm.  [ffiflflp^&fij  I  wish  that  dear  little  girl  that  I'm 
going  to  make  a  noodle  of  myself  with,  were  your  age  in- 
stead of  her  own. 

Mrs.  P.   It  would  be  better,  I  must  admit. 
••**  Adm.  And    I  can't  help    wishing,  for    your   sake    and 
Tom's,  that  you  were  of  her  age,  instead  of  your  own. 

Mrs.  P.  That  would  be  better  also,  I  admit. 
**•*  Adm.  You  are  as  candid  as  you  are  handsome. 

Mrs.  P.  My  dear  Admiral  ! 
•s    Adm.   My  dear  madam  !  [Exeunt  L. 

SCENE  III.  —  As    Scene  2d,    Act    1st  —  Set    us  before.~ 
Enter  LIEUTENANT  KINGSTON,  (c.) 

Lieut.  K.  This  is  a  pretty  business  !  and  what  to  do,  I 
haven't  the  most  distant  idea.  My  father  won't  give  me 
his  consent,  that  seems  very  clear  ;  what  on  earth  does  ho. 
mean  to  do  1  Where  the  deuce  is  Mrs.  Pontifex  gone 
to?  and  what  the  devil  do  you  want? 

[To  DENNIS,  ivho  knocks  and  enters,  L. 

Den.  I  want  you,  sir  —  that  is  to  say  —  no,  sir  !  it  isn't  me 
exactly,  that  wants  you,  but  it's  another  lady  outside. 

Lieut.   K.   What  'lady  ? 

Den.  The  young  lady,  sir,  that  was  with  the  old  gentle- 
man. 

Lieut.  K.  Miss  Mortimer  ? 

Den.   I  believe  that's  her  Christian  name,  sir 

Lieut.  K.  Did  you  say  I  was  here  ? 

Deri.  I  said  I  didn't  know  whether  you  was  or  not,  sir, 
but  I'd  ask  you. 

Lieut.  K.  Show  her  in. 

Den.  1  will  sir.  [Exit  L. 

Lieut,  K.   What's  in  the  wind  now,  I  wonder? 


38  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS,  [AcT  II. 

He-enter  DENNIS.  L.  conducting  Miss  MORTIMER. 

Den.  The  lady,  sir. 

Lieut.  K.  Dennis  ! 

Den.  Coming,  sir. 

Lieut.  K.  Leave  the  room. 

Den.  Going,  sir.  [Exit. 

Lieut.  K.  Won't  you  sit  down  ?     [Moves  sette  down  to  c. 

Miss  M.  Thank  you  !  [Sits  at  the  extreme  end  of  the 
sette.\  I  wish  for  a  few  minutes'  conversation  with  you  : 
perhaps,  you  will  sit  down  also? 

Lieut.  K.   (L.)   If  you  wish  it — certainly. 

f  Sits  at  opposite  extreme  end. 

Miss.  M.  (L.)  We  parted  children ;  we  meet  again 
under  very  peculiar  circumstances. 

Lieut.  K.  Very,  indeed,  madam  ! 

Miss  M.  "Madam?" 

Lieut.  K.  Certainly  !  one  must  practise  respect  to  one's 
mother  you  know. 

Miss  M.  True !  I  forgot  ;  it  is  very  distressing  to  me 
to  have  witnessed  the  first  disagreement  you  ever  had  with 
your  father,  and  to  feel  that  I  am  in  some  measure  the 
cause  of  it. 

Lieut.  K.  [Getting  a  little  nearer  to  her,  and  as  he  speaks 
she  gets  a  little  nearer  to  him.}  Your  sentiments  do  equal 
honour  to  your  head  and  heart — Madam. 

[  They  both  get  back  to  their  places. 

Miss.  M.  1  am  truly  glad  you  think  so;  I  am  most 
anxious  to  see  you  reconciled  to  each  other,  and  if  you 
retain  those  quick  and  generous  feelings  which  used  to 
actuate  you  as  a  boy — [During  this  they  again  approach 

each  other.[  I  am  sure  that  you  will  readily  assist  me 

Sir  !  [  They  get  back  to  their  places. 

Lieut.  K.  Yes,  madam. 

Miss  M  Now  that  your  first  surprise  is  over  at  finding 
that  I  am  going  to  be  married  to  your  father,  I  should  like 
you  to  tell  me  candidly  what  you  think  of  me. 

Lieut  K.  I  think  you  so  altered,  that  it  is  no  wonder 
I  did  not  recognise  you.  I  think  you  more  beautiful  than 
I  ever  dreamt  you  would  grow  up  to  be  ! 

Miss  M.   I  didn't  mean  tha,t. 

Lieut.  K.  But  /    did  though — [checking  himself.]  Ma'am 


SCENE  III.]  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  89 

Miss  M.  I  want  to  know  what  you  think  of  marrying 
the  Admiral  ? 

Lieut.  K.  I  think  it  is  one  of  the  most  preposterous 
things  I'ever  heard  in  my  life  :  I  think  I  have  got  a  very 
silly  old  man  for  a  father,  and  that  I  am  going  to  have — 
with  the  greatest  respect — a  noodle  for  a  mother. 

Miss  M.  Sir,  you  are  very  polite  ! 

Lieut.  K.  Well,  I  can't  help  it  ;  for  upon  my  soul, 
Mary — ma'am,  I  mean — it's  too  ridiculous. 

Miss  M.  You  look  through  a  glass  of  great  magnifying 
power  at  other  people's  faults,  arid  reverse  it  to  peep  a 
your  own. 

Lieut.  M.  That's  a  very  fine  speech,  I  dare  say  ;  but  I 
don't  exactly  perceive  the  application  of  it. 

Miss  M.  No!  Why,  what  do  you  imagine  people  will 
say  about  your  marrying  old  Mrs.  Pontifex? 

Lieut.  K..  [Getting  up  and  walking  about.]  Hollo  !  am  I 
going  to  be  laughed  at  ?  I  can't  bear  that — and  I  won't 
bear  it — and  so  you  may  tell  people.  If  the  men  laugh  at 
me,  they  must  take  the  consequence;  and  if  the  women 
laugh  at  me,  I'll  shoot  their  husbands,  sons,  brothers,  fa. 
thers,  and  uncles. 

Miss  M.  Dear  me  !  Why,  one  would  think  you  were 
the  whole  navy  of  England,  instead  of  only  a  lieutenant 
in  it. 

Lieut.  K.  I  won't  bear  it,  I'm  determined ! 

Miss  M.  Well,  well;  sit  down,  a  pretty  dear — sit  down 
upon  the  same  sofa  with  it's  ma — and  it  shan't  be  laughed 
at. 

Lieat.  K.  [Sitting  down.}  Now  don't  Mary!  don't  ma'am. 
If  there  is  one  thing  that  I  hate  more  than  another,  it  is 
ridicule  ;  deserved  or  not,  I  feel  just  the  same. 

Miss  M.  It  is  a  pity  that  one  so  sensitive  should  have 
exposed  himself  to  it,  but  I  won't  say  any  more  about  it; 
if  I  have  vexed  you  forgive  me.  \Offers  ^cr  h&nd. 

Lieut.  K.  [Getting  dose  to  her,  and  taking  it.]  Oh  ! 
madam!  [D — 11  madam!  I  can't  say  it  any  more,  and  I 
won't,]  Oh,  Mary  !  now  you  are,  indeed,  like  the  frank 
and  affectionate  child  1  once  knew  you. 

Miss  M.  You  musn't  call  me  Mary — Tom. 

Lieut.  K.  Not  when  you  call  me  Tom? 

Miss  M.  Did  I  call  you  Tom]  I  beg  your  pardon. 


40  NAVAL    KVO!  A  CEMENTS.  [A.CT  IT. 

Lieut.  K.  Don't  apologize  :  it  puts  me  in  mind  of  old 
times. 

Miss  M.  Do  you  know  where  Mrs.  Pontifex  is? 

Lieut.  K.   Never  mind  her  just  now. 

Miss  M.  Oh  !  but  I   must  ;  she's  with  the  admiral. 

L'eut.  K.   What !  are  you  jealous  ? 

Miss  M.  Not  the  least. — Are  you  ? 

Lieut.  K.   No  I  ' 

Miss  M.  She  seems  tome  to  be  a  very  delightful  wo- 
man. 

Lieut.  K.  So  she  is  !  so  she  is  !  Oh  !  that  she  is  \  I  cer- 
tainly wish,  for  her  sake,  that  she  was  something  nearer 
my  own  age — yours  now,  for  instance. 

Miss  M.   I'm  afraid  that  wish  will  grow  upon  you. 

Lieut.  K.   What  is  she  gone  to  the  admiral  for] 

Miss  M.  To  ask  him  to  consent  to  your  marriage  ;  and 
/came  to  ask  you  to  consent  to  his. 

Lieut  K.  I  can't  do  it  ;  it  goes  against  my  conscience. 

[Rises. 

Miss  M.  [Rising.]   You 'must !  you  must  indeed! 

Lieut.  K.  I  cannot — I  feel  that  I  cannot. 

Miss  M.  That  which  must  be — must  be  :  why  then 
should  yu  refuse  to  make  the  best  of  it?  Come,  Lieu- 
tenant Kingston,  for  my  sake — come — Tom — for  Mary's 
sake,  consent. 

Lieut.  K.  For  your  sake,  Mary,  I  will  consent  to  any- 
thing. 

Miss  M.  [Rising.]  Come  with  me  then,  at  once,  and  let  me 
see  you  on  your  old  terms  with  your  father. 

Lieut.  K.  Not  this  moment!  there's  no  such  absolute 
hurry.  I  think  I  have  consented  too  soon.  Mary,  sit 
down  and  persuade  rne  again. 

Miss  M.  No,  no  !  it  must  not  be  :  and  you  must  leave 
off  calling  me  Mary. 

Lieut.  K.  Well,  if  it  must  be  so  ; — for  the  last  time  at 
least,  Mary,  take  my  arm. 

Miss  M.  Will  you  hold  your  tongue  about  Mary,  Mr. 
Tom? 

[  Takes  his  arm  ;  and  is  going  forwards  L.  D.  Enter  the, 
^ADMIRAL .imlh  'tajis.  Jr ONTIFEX  Jeanin^^  fits  prfft — -— 

the 'others  separate,  /iastni/,  and  in  r.onfiision. 
**^^4  J/*."l"lT"T1T(lTagi)t  1  informed,  you,    sir,  that  I    was  about 
to  be  married  to  that  lady? 


SCENE  III.J  NAVAL     F/^A^KWKN  I'S.  41 

Jiient.  K.  You  clitl,  sir. 

••— >  J.d/71.  And  under  those  circumstances,  do  you  think  it 
proper  or  decent  that  I  should  find  her  flaunting  about 
with  her  arm  through  yours  ?  Look  at  me,  sir,  and  an- 
swer me  ! 

Lieut.  K.  (R.)  I  am  looking  at  you,  sir. 
*^Adm.  (L.)  Well,  sir! 

Lieut.  K.  And  I  want  to  know  whether  you  think  it 
proper  or  decent  that  I  should  find  that  lady  flaunting 
about  with  her  "arm  through  yours  ? 

*r  Adm.  Pooh,  pooh!  nonsense — you  foolish  monkey! 
you're  not  going  to  be  jealous  of  your  father  ? 

Mrs.  P.  [L.  c.,    To  Admiral.]  Now — rny  dear  sir — 
Lieut.  K.  Why  notT  when  you  are  jealous  of  your  son. 
Miss  M.  JR.  c.  To  LIEUTENANT  K.J  Now  be  calm. 
,*••»  Adm.  The  tact   is^  sir,   that   1  am    particularly    pleased 
with  this  lady. 

Lieut.  K.  Sir,  you  do  me  great  honour. 

"*••*  Adm.  She  has  done  you  great  honour  in  condescending 
to  care  about  such  a — such — a — 

Miss  M.  Very  agreeable  young  man  as  Lieutenant 
Kingston,  R.  N. 

<~>  Adm.  Oh,  what !  he  has  been  doing  the  agreeable  to 
you,  has  he  ? 

Miss  M.  The  fact  is,  sir,  that  I  arn  particularly  pleased 
with  this  gentleman. 

Mrs.  P.  Kingston,  dear !  what  have  you  been  saying  to 
Miss  Mortimer  ? 

Lieut.  K.  I  have  only  been  endeavouring  to  make  myself 
acceptable  to  my  future  (ahem!)  mother-in-law. 
**•  Adm.  \ Aside.]  Confound  the    word — how    ridiculous  it 
sounds  in  ms  mouth  ! 

Mrs.  P.  My  dear  Miss  Mortimer,  you  remember,  no 
doubt,  the  terms  of  our  agreement,  and  the  objects  for 
which  we  undertook  to  see  the  dear  Admiral  and  his 
son  1  CE 

Miss  M.  [Aside.]   The    dear   Admiral !       \Aloud.}    Per- 
fectly— you  were  to  obtain  a  release  for  his  son*from  the 
"dear  Admiral/'  and   I  was   to  obtain    a  release    for  the 
Admiral  from  "  Kingston,  dear  !" 
Mrs.  P.  [Aside.]  Kingston  dear  ! 
Miss  M.  [Aside.]  She  doesn't  seem  to  like  it  herself, 


4*3  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  ]  ACT  II. 

Mrs.  P.  Have  you  succeeded  1 

Miss  M.  Ask  him. 

Lieut.  K.  I  have  promisedyto  obey  her  wishes  in  all 
things. 

Mrs.  P.  [Aside]  Indeed  ! 

Miss  M.  Have  you  succeeded  ? 

Mrs.  P.  I  refer  you  to  the  Admiral  himself. 
•».  Adm.  I  must  own  that  I  strongly  incline  to  comply  with 
any  request  of  this  lady's. 

Miss  M.  [Aside.]  Really  ! 

Mrs  P.  Our  course,  then,  is  obvious.  We  have  been 
the  unintentional  causes  of  the  first  difference  between  a 
worthy  father  and  an  excellent  son.  In  the  peculiar 
circumstances  under  which  we  are  about  to  become 
members  of  that  family,  it  is  our  first  duty  to  remove  that 
difference.  The  goodness  of  both  their  hearts  has  been 
shown  in  the  readiness  with  which  they  have  listened  to 
our  pacific  overtures,  and  I  now  call  upon  you,  Kingston 
dear,  to  extend  that  hand  which  your  father  is  eager  to 
receive  in  his. 

Lieut.  K.  \ Running  to  his  fyffycr.]  My  dear  sir  ! 
«~  Adm.  (L.)  Sly  dear  boy. 

Lieut.  K.  (L.  c.)  I'm  heartily  sorry,  sir,  that  we  should 
have  disagreed  for  a  moment. 

•^    Adm.  You  can't  be  more  sorry  than  I  am,  my  boy  :  nor 
more  glad  that  the  little  squall  has  passed  over. 

Miss  M.  I  am  delighted  to  see  you  again  as  you  should 
be. 

Mrs.  P.   And  so  am  I ! 

^  Adm    [iSI///^^   hfin.^  witk  M^.P^   I'm  sure  you   are 
— worthy,  excellent  creature,  I'm  sure  you  are  ! 

Lieut.    K..  \^fcfLkin&  hfiTLds-iiiiJjA^&IisR  ML]   I'm  sure  you 
are — cfiarming,  delightful  creature — I'm  suie  you  are  ! 
^  Adm.  There — that  will  do,  Tom  ;   now    come    hither,  [ 
want  to  speak  to  you.     You  ladies  will  excuse  us  for  two 
minutes,  I'm  sure  ? 

Miss  M.   Oh  !  ceainly,  sir. 
Mrs.  P.  Come,  love  ! 

[Miss  M.  takes  her  arm,  and  they  retire,  up  stage, 
ht<f  over  ?>/vW.v,  c\v.,  fit  tal>lc  R. 

x          A    7      ^fife^anwMlpaMHMMlMHHHHMBB*"11 

^  Adm.    1  say,  1  om — 
Lieut.  K.   Yes,  sir. 


SCENE  III]  NAVAL    REGALEMENTS.  43 

^*Adm.  Tom,  T  say — 
Lieut.   K.   Yes,  sir. 
*«*_  Adm.   \Bawlins^.\  D — n  it,  Mr,  I  say,  Tom  ! 

Lieut.  K.~  kye—aye,  sir. 

*^Adm.  That's  the  way  to  answer  me — that  sounds  like 
old  times.     Are  you  in  good  humour? 

Lieut.  K.  Never  better,  sir. 
***   Adm.   That's  right. 

Lieut,  K.  Will  you  allow  me  to  hope  that  the  serenity 
of  your  mind  is  perfectly  re-established  ? 
""""^  Adm.   Perfectly.     Now  look  here — [^oaxz^/?/.]    What 
the  deuce  could  ever  make  you  thinK  of  marrying  a  woman 
fifteen  years  older  than  yourself? 

Lieut.  K.   What  the  deuce   could  ever  make  you  think 
of  marrying  a  girl  thirty  years  younger  than  yourself? 
^^Adtn.  I  tell  you  what,  master  Tom,  you  have  contracted 
a  vile  habit  of  meeting  a  question  with  a  question. 

' >Lieut.  K.  I  don't  wish  to  annoy  you,  sir. 
**^Adm.   I  didn't  say  you  annoyed   me  sir,   T  said  it  was  a 
vile  habit,  and  so  it  is  :  come — come,  let  me  see  you  return 
to  your  senses,  and  renounce  this  silly  match. 

Lieut.  K.  Silly  match,  sir — silly  match  ? 
•—»  Adm.  Now,  you  said  you  were  in  a  good  humour. 

Lieut.  K.  So  I  am,  sir — go  on — say  what  you  like — I'll 
take  it  all  in  good  part. 
„«**  Adm.  Now,  own  that's  a  silly  match — ha  !  ha! 

Lieut  K.  Any  thing  you  please,  sir — ha!  ha! 
^  Adm.  Just  fancy  you  and  your  wife  twenty  years  hence 
— you  still  a  young  man,  with  straight  back  and  elastic  gait, 
walking — thus;  ^cj^oss^m^R.  andm  fyqcfai,.]  and  she,  with 
stooping  shoulders  and  halt-palsied  head,  toddling  by  your 
side — thus.  [  Laughing.]  Tom !  Tom  !  it's  too  ridiculous  ! 
people^sEould  marry  those  of  their  own  age — I  always 
told  you  so. 

Lieut.  K.  [  With  a  forced  laugh.]  The  picture  you  have 
drawn,  sir,  is  funny  enough  I  must  own — attend  one  mo- 
ment while  I  sketch  another. — When  a  certain  youns: 
lady  shall  have  reached  the  age  of  forty,  she  will  still 
retain  her  firm  step  and  handsome  features,  and  will  walk 
along  the  admired  of  all  beholders — thus  ;  [crosses  L.  and 
back  R.]  while  a  certain  Admiral,  then  turned  of  seventy, 
with  one  hand  on  his  stick  and  t'other  behind  his  back, 


44  NAVAL    EN?GA';J<:MKNTS. 


PACT  ?!. 


wi'l  keep  up  with  her  as  best  he  may — 'l.us  !  Sir,  sir!  it's 
too  ridiculous  !  people  should  marry  those  of  their  own 
age — I  always  told  you  so. 

^  Adm.  (L.)  Or,  if  there  is  a  difference,  the  man  should  be 
the  older. 

Lieut.  K.  (R.)  Well,  sir,  it's  of  no  use  to  talk,  the  thing 
is  settled,  and  you  have  consented. 
«-**  Adm.  (L.)  So  have  you,  if  you  come  to  that. 

Lieut.  K.  (R.)  I  don't  consider  that  I  have  done  any  such 
thing. 
"  Adm.  Nor  I  neither. 

Lieut.  K.  Do  you  mean  to  deny  your  words,  sir? 
— *  Adm.  Can  I  do  better  than  follow  your  excellent  exam 
pie,  sir  ? 

Lieut.  K.  Very  well,  sir :  then   there  seems  no  chance 
of  our  agreeing  1 
-**  Adm,.  Not  the  sligntest. 

[  T^J^ev  Bounce  fro  n  each  other,  and  turr^  up  the  sfage—- 
MRS.  P7  and  Miss  M.  at  same  time  come  down 
centre. 

Miss  M.  (R.)  Now  here  is  a  pretty  business — they  have 
quarrelled  again  ! 

Mrs.  P.  (L  )  Oh  !  it's  quite  shocking,  my  dear  ! 

Miss  M.  Much  good  you  seem   to  have  done  by  your 
interference ! 

Mrs.  P.  C<?me  !  I  have  done  as  much  as  you  have,  at  all 
events ! 

Miss    M.  You  pretended    that   the  Admiral  had   con 
sented — 

Mrs.  P.  "Pietended,"  Miss  Mortimer!  pray  be  a  little 
more  guarded  in  your  expressions. 

J1//J4  M.  /suspect  you  have  not  said  half  a  dozen  words 
to  him  on  the  subject. 

Mrs.  P.  A  line  out  of  a  copy-book,  Miss  Mortimer — 

Miss  M.  What's  that,  pray  1 

Mrs.  P.  "Suspicion  ever  haunts  the  guilty  mind." 

MissM.   Another — 

Mrs.  P.  What  ] 

Miss  M.  "  Old  age  is  querulous". 

Mrs.  P.  "  Saucy  girls  are  very  rude." 

Miss  M.  Widow  Pontifex,  you  are  insulting. 

Mrs.  P.  Spinster  Mortimer — ditto. 


SCENE  HI.  NAVAL    F.FGAOEMENTS.  45 


ounce  ug  cew//'^£^^«££----ADMiRAL  and  LIKU- 
TENANT  come  down  at  the  two  sides  at  same  time. 
-+>  Adm.  [  Aside.  ]T)ea.v  me  !  dear  me!  me  ladles  are  quar- 
relling,  now. 

Lieut.  K.  [AsidgK.]  If  the   women  get  to   loggerheads, 
there's  an  endofeverything  ! 

By  this  time  the^Ladies  ha  ve  returnedzzJ&RS  .  P.  onj-he^ 
side  of  LIEUT.  K.    and  Miss  M.  on  the  side  of  the 
ADMIRAL. 

Adm.^[To  iRtiss  M.]  My  dear  child,   I'm   sorry   to   see 
this. 

Miss  M.  Don't  call  me  child,    sir;  if  I'm  to  marry  a 
man  as  old  as  you  are,  I  wo'nt  to  be  called  a  child,  at  all 
events. 
—  Adm.  (L.)  Very  well,  miss. 

Miss  M.  (L.  c.)  Don't  call  me  miss. 
0ftf*Adm.  For"s1iame,  my  dear. 

Miss  M.  Don't  call  me,  my  dear. 

^  Adm.  [Aside.]  Oh,  dear  !  Oh  dear  !  what  kave  I  underta 
ken] 

Lieut.  K.  [R.  To  MRS.  P.]  I'm   really  quite  vexed,  Mrs. 
Pontifex. 

Mrs.  P.  (R.  c.)  Don't  Mrs.  Pontifex  me,  sir. 

Lieut.  K.  Is  this  the  temper  which  I  thought  so  perfect  ? 

Mrs.  P.  Your  obstinacy  is  enough  to  spoil  any  temper 
in  the  world. 

Lieut.   K.  You  are  many   years  older   than  I   am,  and 
ought  to  set  a  better  example. 

Mrs.  P.  That's  right,  sir  !  insult  me  because  1  was  born 
before  you  ;  but  I  needn't  wonder    at  any  thing   you    do, 
after    the  manner    in  which  you    have    behaved    to    your 
worthy  and  excellent  father,  there. 
*•*  Adm.  Madam  !  I'm  very  much  obliged  to  you. 

Miss  M.   For  abusing  your  son  !  that's  good  taste,  at  all 
events  !  I'm  sure  a  better  young  man  never  existed. 

Lieut.  K.  That's  very  kind  of  you,  Mary. 

Mrs.  P.  If  you  had  a  proper  respect  for  your  father,  you 
would  give  way  to  him  in  every  thing. 

Lieut.    K.  I  have  the  highest  possible    respect   for  my 
fatner  ;  but  he  shall  never  marry  that  girl,  if  1  can  help  it. 

M'ss   M.  A  truly    affectionate   father  would  overlook  a 
trifling  defect  in  so  admirable  a  son. 


46  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS. 


[.\CT  II. 


Adm.  I  love  my  son,  Miss  Mortimer  as  a   father  ought; 

but  d n  me  if  I  consent  to  his  marriage  with  that  lady. 

And  now  as  we  seem  at  any  rate  to  understand  one  ano- 
ther about  a  misunderstanding,  nothing  remains  for  me 
but  to  order  my  carriage  arid  go  home.  Here,  waiter ! 

Lieut.  K.  Stay,  sir!  as  I  know  not  when  or  under  what 
circumstances  we  may  meet  again,  I  crave  your  permis 
sion  to  take  a  proper  and  respectful  leave  of  my  future 
mother-in-law. 

„     Adm.  Be  it  so!   Mary,  take  leave  of  my  son  ;  and  you, 

madam,  as  there  is  no  difference  between  us,  will  perhaps 
not  refuse  my  parting  good  wishes, 

[MgS^  P^^g^^ADM^gg^.jV^ISfiuMf  to  ILlEUT. 

Miss  M.  (iCc.)  It's  very  disagreeable  to  part  agaTn,  jife^ 
as  we  have  met  after  so  many  years  of  absence. 

Lieut.  K.  (R.)  It  makes  me  wretched  to  think  of  it. 
^—     Adm.  (L.)  Believe  me,  Mrs.    Pontifex,  I   part  with  the 
greatest  reluctance    from  a  lady,  for  whom  a    very   short 
acquaintance  has  given  me  the    most  sincere    esteem  and 
regard. 

Mrs.  P.  (L   c.)  I  assure  you,  my  dear  sir,  the  regret  is 
mutual. 

^MM*  Adm.  Farewell,  then,  madam.  [Taking  her  hand. 

Mrs.  P.  Farewell,  sir. 

Lieut.  K.  [Taking  Miss  M.'s  hand.]  Farewell,  old  play- 
fellow. 

Miss  M.  Farewell ! 

^—•^  Adm.  I  presume  you  are  to  be  my  daughter-in-law,  and 
I  therefore  offer  you  a  father's  blessing. 

[fjssin *  her  for  eh  eajl. — ^ 

Lieut.  K.   Mother-in-law,  accept    my  dutiful  regrets  at 
leaving  you.  [Kisses  her  forehead. 

^>     Adm.  Once  more,  adieu  !      [  Takes  MRS.  P.  in  his  arms. 
Lieut.  K.  Mary  ! 

Miss  M.   Tom  !  [He  takes  her  in  his  arms,. 

*****     Adm.    [Looking  over   MRS.   P/s    shoulder.]    Lieutenant 
Kingston !  "" 

Lieut.  K.  [Looking  ntwr  Miss  M.'s  shoulder.]  Sir  ! 
^^tr    Adm.   What  the  devil' are  yoii  obout,  sir  \ 
Lieut.  K.   What  are  you  about,  sir  ? 
Adm.  Sir,  I  hardly   know  ! 
Lieut.   K.  A  thought  strikes  me — 


SCEN1.:  HI.  NAVAL     ENGAGEMENTS.  47 

*"S  Adm.  What  is  it. 

Lieut.  K.  Do  you  find  yourself  comfortable  ? 
— •*•*    Adm.  Very. 

Lieut  K.  So  I  do;  then  suppose  we  change  wives,  and 
remain  as  we  are. 
^*  Adm.  It's  all  in  the  family  ma'am  :  what  say  you  ? 

Mrs.  P.  My  dear  sir,  I  told  you  that  the  first  wish  of  my 
heart  was  to  please  your  son  :  my  next  to  please  you.  / 
see  that  his  happiness  is  concerned,  and  I  consent  at 
once. 

Lieut.  K.  My  dear  Mrs.  Pontifex,  what  shall  I  say  to 
you  ? 

Mrs.  — .  Say,  "thank  you  mamma,"  and  be  a  good  boy 
for  the  future. 

Lieut.  K.  My  Mary  won't  object. 

Miss  M.  Well,  I  don't  know  that  I  shall. 
«**•— -Adm.  Why,  Miss  Mary!  what  has  become  of  your  reso 
lution  to  marry  an  admiral]  have  you  forgotten    Duncan 
,'    Nelson,  Howe  and  Jarvis  ! 

**  Miss.  M.  [Giving  her  hand  to  LIEUT.  K.]     They  were 

cdim  lieuten ants  once^  sir. 

"'  Adm.   Come  then,  let  us  all  shake  hands  upon  this  new 

bargain. 

Miss  M.  [G£y^^e£^^^w££j|j^_]PJ  Forgive  my 
cross  question. 

Mrs.  P.  Forgive  my  crooked  answer. 

**•**  Adm.  Turn,  my  boy,  I'll  make  this  lady  as  good  a  hus- 
band as  1  can. 

Mrs.  P.  And  this  lady  will  be  happy  to  be  the    means 
of  restoring  harmony  between    a  good   father  and  a   son 
whom  she  will  never  cease  to  regard. 
^***Adm.  Mary  ! 

Miss  M.  Aye,  aye,  si.i. 

^^^Adm.  I  have  resigned  the  command  of  you  to  my  first 
lieutenant  there. 

Miss  M.  Sir,  I  shall  do  my  best  to  obey  his  orders. 

Adm.  After  all,  there's  nothing  like  sticking  to  the  rules 
of  the  service  ;  you  are  scarcely  more  than  a  twenty  gun 
vessel  and  have  no  right  to  be  comman  led  by  an  admiral; 
and  now  ring  the  bell.  [LiEUT.  K.  rings. 

Lieut  K..  1  say  sir,  don't  you  agree  with  me  that  people 
should  marry  those  of  a  suitable  age  ? 


48  NAVAL    ENGAGEMENTS.  [ACT  II. 

Adm.    T  always  said  so  ! 
Lie.ut.  K.   You  did,  arid  so  did  I  ! 
*~  Adm.   That  you  did,  I  must  admit. 

LIEUT.  K.  embraces  Miss  M. —  ADMIRAL  embraces 
MRS.  P.  SHORT  and  DENNIS  enter  L.  at  same  mo- 
ment and  stare  with  astonishment. 

Dem.  [  To  SHORT.]    As  they  say  in  a  sharp  frost,  it's  fine 
embracing  weather,  sir  ! 
"     Adm.   Landlord  ! 

Short.  \Advaneing  L.]  Dinner  is  quite  ready,  sir. 
Adm.   Why,  I  didn't  order  it! 

Short.  No,  sir — but    I  somehow  felt  sure    you   would 
want  it. 

Adm.  Well !  as  it  happens,  we  do — and  so,  the  battle 
being  over,  the^crew  shallgo^  to  dinner.^/  Letlne,'  however 
TsTlfeope  to  obtain^aiPac^rmwle^Igment  that  there  is  no 
exception  to  the  golden  rule  [Britania's  rule,]  that  "Naval 
Engagements,"  led  by  a  British  Admiral  and  backed  by 
British  hands,  must  prove  successful. ^^ 


DISPOSITION    OF    THE    CHARACTERS    AT   THE 

FALL  OF  THE  CURTAIN 
SHORT,  DENNIS, 

LIEUT  K.  Miss  M.  MRS  P.  ADMIRAL 

*•]  !> 

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